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Jokes about cars. About your neighbours cars of course. Not yours. Be careful not to insult anyone. You can say bad things about someone’s wife but not about his car.

A country and a car are the same. Fiat – Italy, Ford – USA, Volvo – Sweden, Renault – France, Volkwagen – Germany, Toyota – Japan. Insult make of a car and you insult the whole nation. Let’s do it!

32 Jokes to “Cars”

  1. admin Says:

    Ford: F***d Over Rebuilt Dodge

  2. Anonymous Says:

    Ford spelled backwards: Driver Returns On Foot

  3. collector Says:

    Here are my car acronyms collection. I bet it is the largest one.

    If you have more of there drop me a mail: acronym.collector@gmail.com or leave message here.
    And please respect my work as a collector, don’t copy-paste it your web site without asking permission.

    Here you are:

    Asia’s Curse Upon Rural America
    Awful Crappy Unreliable Rusty Automobile
    A Car Usually Rarely Appreciates
    Always Catching Up, Rarely Ahead
    A Car Under Recall Action
    A Case of a Useless Requested Acronym?
    A Costly, Unreliable, Repugnant Automobile
    All Cars Usually Require Adjustment
    Awesome Car, Un-Real Acceleration
    Always Cursing Untimely Repair Appointments
    America Can Use Real Automobiles
    Americans Can Underestimate Routine Accidents
    Another Car Using Rice Additives
    Another Case of a Useless Requested Acronym
    Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
    Any Child Understands Real Automobiles
    Automobile Causes Ugly Road Accidents
    Automobile Causes Universal Road Accidents
    Another Contemptible Use of Recycled Aluminum

    Always Looking For Another

    Awesome Muscle Car
    Autos May Combust
    Another Major Catastrophe
    Always Made Crap
    A Major Cost
    A Moron’s Car
    A Mutated Car
    All Makes Combined
    All Mistakes Combined
    Assholes Make Crap
    Another Mess of Crap

    Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
    Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
    Always Under Diagnostic Inspection
    Always Upside-down, Double Interest
    Another Understated Dealer Incentive
    Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.
    A Used Dodge Incognito
    All Uninformed Drivers Insulted
    Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence
    Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
    Another Understated Dealer Incentive
    Automobile Under Demonic Influence
    All Unnecessary Devices Installed

    Autos May Combust
    Awesome Muscle Car
    Another Major Catastrophe
    A Major Cost
    A Moron’s Car
    A Mutated Car
    All Makes Combined
    All Mistakes Combined
    Another Mess of Crap
    Assholes Make Crap
    Awesome Muscle Car

    Big Money Works
    Bring My Wallet
    Bavarian Money Waster
    Buy More Women
    Bob Marley and the Wailers
    Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
    Break My Window
    Big Money Wasted
    Bring More Women
    Busted My Wallet
    Burn My Wallet
    Bought My Wife
    Brutal Money Waster
    Bring More Wrenches
    Bring My Wad!
    Blew My Wad!
    Bring Money Where?
    Brings More Women
    Babbling Mechanical Wench
    Barely Moving Wreck
    Beastly Mechanical Wonder
    Beastly Monstrous Wonder
    Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels
    Beautiful Models Wanted
    Bavarian Manure Wagon
    Biggest Metal Waste
    Break My Windshield
    Breaks Most Wrenches
    Bumbling Mechanical Wretch
    Big Money. Why?
    Blasphemous Motorized Wreck
    Blew My Money
    Born Moderately Wealthy
    Break My Windows
    Broken Monstrous Wonder
    Bring Many Wrenches
    Bring Money Weekly
    Brings Me Women
    Bubba Makes Wheels
    Broke My Wallet
    Broken Money Waster

    Built Under the Inspection of a Crazy Korean
    Big Ugly Idiot’s Cat Killer
    Big Ugly Imitation Chrome King
    Big Ugly Import Car Killer
    Big Ugly Indestructible Compact Killer
    Bought Understanding It Can’t Kickbutt
    Butt Ugly Import Car Killer
    Butt Ugly In Central Kentucky
    Butt Ugly Indestructable Car Killer
    Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
    Butt Ugly Indestructable Compact Killer

    Crazy Aunt Drives It Like A Lunatic Across the Country
    Company Asking Dealers If Local Lawyers Are Calling
    Company Always Denies Its Lawful Liability After Collisions
    Car And Driver Indicates Lady Luck Abandoned Consumer
    Cars Are Driven In Long Lines And Crashed
    Crazy And Demented Idiots Like Large American Cars

    Crappy American Machine Always Requires Oil
    Cash Always Miniscule After Retail Overpricing
    Calling All Mechanics – Another Required Overhaul
    Can A Mechanic Actually Repair One??
    Can’t America Make A Real One?
    Crapped Another Motor, Another Rear Obliterated

    Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
    Cheap Heap Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
    Crappy Hot-Running Engines, Very Rusted Out, Lose Every Time
    Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
    Cant Have Every Vehicle Race On Last Every Time
    Cracked Heads Every Valve Rattles Oil Leaks Every Time
    Cheap Heaps Erratically Vibrate Running On Level Even Terrain
    Can Hear Every Valve Rattle Over Loud Engine Tapping
    Can’t Help Every Valve Rattles Or Leaks Every Time!
    Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips
    Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle, Or Loud Engine Ticks
    Cheap Hastily Engineered Vehicle Running On Luck Every Time
    Cheap Hazardous Expensive Vehicle Runs On Luck Every Time
    Can hear every valve rattle, oil leaks every time
    Clutch Hangs, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.
    Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques
    Check Heads Every Valve Rattles Or Leaks Every Time
    Cracked Heads, Every Valve’s Rotten, Oil Leaks Every Time
    Crap Heap Enormously Vunerable Runs On Luck Every Time

    Cheapest Heap Ever Visualized Yet
    Can Hear Every Valve, Rod, or Lifter Every Time
    Cruddy Hick Engine Very Yucky
    Crap Hasn’t EVolved Yet
    Can Hear Every Valve Yelling
    Can’t Have Everything Vern, YuoKnoWwhatImean?
    Can Hear Every Valve Yell
    Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet
    Can’t Have Every Vehicle, Yankee
    Charged HEaVilY
    Cheapest Heap Ever Viewed Yet
    Crap Heap Enormously Vunerable Yearly

    Chrysler Has Raped Your Sanity Loser – Expect Repercussions
    Can’t He Repair Your Slow Leaky Expensive Rustbucket?
    Car Having Really Yucky Stupid Lazy Engine Runs
    Collection of Half Realized Yet Somehow Likeable Engineering Research
    Company Has Rid Your Savings Legally: Electronic Robbery
    Could Have Remained Your Sickly Lame Elderly Relative’s
    Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair

    Crummy Interior, Terrible Road-holding, Owned Entirely by Nitwits
    Crap Interior Terrible Road-holding Owned Entirely by Nutters

    Damn Asian Engineering Works Only Occasionally
    Damn All Engines With Oriental Operations

    Detroit’s Angry Towards Sneaky Unscrupulous Nips

    Damned Old Dudes Going Everywhere
    Damn Overhauls Do Get Expensive
    Designers Occasionally Do Good Engineering
    Doesn’t only die, gets eaten
    Darn Old Dirty Gas Eater
    Design Of Diabolical German Engineer
    Driven Only During Grey Evenings
    Dodge Neon: Need Engine Overhauled Now
    Darned Old Dirty Greasy Engine
    Dear Old Dad’s Garbage Engine
    Dorky Outside – Damn Good Engines
    Dad Owns Dinky God-awful Elf
    Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
    Dangerous On Days Gears Engage
    Dead Old Dog Going East
    Dead On Dad’s Garage Elevator
    Dead On Day Guarantee Expires
    Dead On Delivery, Guarantee Expired
    Dead On Delivery, Go Easy
    Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter
    Dear Old Dad’s Garage Experiment
    Death Overcomes Driver’s Generous Ego
    Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere
    Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
    Department Of Defense’s Grossest Error
    Dead On Delivery, Gasoline Eater
    Detroit’s Only Damn Good Engine
    Digs Own Damn Grave Eventually
    Do Or Die, Get Engine
    Don’t Over Drive Gutless Engine
    Drops Oil, Drips Grease Everywhere
    Doing Overhauls Daily Gets Expensive

    Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere Needs Engine Overhauled Now

    Doesn’t Understand Every Straight Engine Never Burns Experimental Racing Gas

    Eagle’s Cousin Likes Intercooler Pressure Supplied

    Every Day Something Else Leaks

    Fast, Exciting, Racy, Red, And Really Impractical
    Ferociously Elegant Racer Ravages All Roads Intuitively

    Finest Italian Automotive Technology
    Failure In Italian Automotive Technology
    Fix It Again Today
    Found In A Trashcan
    Flunky Idiot Assembled This
    Fantastic In A Tightspot
    Futile Italian Attempt at Transportation
    Fix It All the Time
    Failed In A Tunnel
    Fix it again, Tony!
    Fiat is Always Trouble
    F**ked In the Ass Twice
    Fix It Another Time
    Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
    Fits In A Thimble
    Flats In All Tires

    Firestone Inexplicably Recalls Explosive SUV Tires On Non-stable Explorers
    Firestone Overstates Reliability Data

    Full Of Rust Deposits
    F***ing Old Rebuilt Dodge
    THUNDERBIRD: This Hoopty Usually Needs Daily Engine Repair But It Rolls Downhill
    MUSTANG – Motor Usually Starts Then Almost Never Goes
    Found on rack daily
    Found on repairman’s doorstep
    Frequent Overhaul, Rapid Depreciation
    Faithful, Obedient, Reliable, Dependable
    Ford Focus….Ford F**ck Us
    F**ker Only Rolls Downhill
    Finally Obsolete Racing Device
    Found On Rubbish Dump
    F**ed Over Road Disaster!
    F**ing Oakey’s Really Dig’em
    F**king Old Retarded Dudes
    Fancy Oil Recycling Device
    Flipped Over Rebuilt Dodge
    Fastest On Road Device
    For Old Retired Drunks
    FORD backwards -> Driver Returns On Foot, Driver Relies On Family
    First On Recall Day
    Fast On Race Day
    For Off Road Domination
    First On Rust and Deterioration
    First On Race Day
    F***ed On Raw Deal
    Fork Over Remaining Dough
    Found On Road, Dead
    FORD Owners Really Dumb
    Fault Of R&D
    MUSTANG – Mostly Unwanted Scrap Tin And Needless Garbage
    – Motor Under Strain, Transmission Almost No Good
    – Massively Ugly Sh*tpile That’s Always No Good
    – Men Usually Stand Together And Never Go
    Frequently Overhauled, Rarely Driven
    Fast Only Rolling Downhill
    Driver Returns On Foot (backwards)
    F**ked over rebuilt Dodge
    Fabricated Of Refried Dung
    Fails On Rainy Days
    Falling Off: Rusty Door
    Famous Odor Resistant Dog
    Fantastically Orgasmic Realistic Dream
    Fast Only Rolling Downhill
    Fastest On Race Day
    First On Rust and Deterioration
    Fastest On Road, Dip!
    Fatally Obese Redneck Driver
    Fault Of R&D
    Features O.J. and Ron’s DNA
    Final Organ of Reproductive Discipline
    Finally Our Racing Dream
    Financing Only Rusty Dump
    Fireball On Rear Denting
    For Off Road Driving
    First On Road to Dump
    First On Roads & Driveways
    For Only Retarded Drivers
    First Order of Reproductive Discipline
    Fix Or Recycle Dilemma
    Ford Owners Recommend Dodge
    Flintstone Or Rubble Driven
    Flip Over, Read Directions
    Fix Or Repair Daily
    Flipped Over Roadside Disaster
    Flipping Over Results in Death
    Flying On Ragged Dreams
    Follow Our Ruddy Dogsled
    Follow Our Rusty Dogsled
    Fond Of Resonating Decibels
    Fool Only Runs Downhill (expletive replaced)
    Foot On Road Decelerates
    Frequent Overhaul, Rapid Deterioration
    For Old Racecar Drivers
    For Only Redneck Drivers
    Funny Old Rattling Dump
    Force Of Rapid Departure
    Forced to Order Rubber Drivetrain
    Forced On Reluctant Drivers
    Ford Owner Really Dumb
    Fords Only Run Downhill
    Forgot Our Recommended Defaults
    Found On Rubbish Dump
    Fork Over Repair Dough
    Forlorn, Old, Ratridden Dustbin
    Formed Of Rejected DNA
    Forward Only, Reverse Defective
    Forwarded Once; Return Denied
    Fouled Out Re-done Dodge
    Found On Red Dumpster
    Found On Redneck’s Driveway
    Four Old, Rusted Doors
    Found On Roadside Dead
    Found On Rockville Dump
    Found On Rubbish Dump
    Fireball On Rear Damage
    Found Outside Refuse Dump
    Found Outside Rotting Dump
    Four Old, Rattly Doors
    Four Old Rusty Doors
    Fourth On Race Day
    Fraternal Order of Restored DeSotos
    Freakin’ Old Retarded Driver
    Free Or Reduced Drastically
    Frequent Off Road Deaths
    Frequent Opinion: Really Disappointed
    Funky Old Rebuilt Dodge
    Freaky Obsolete Racing Device
    Frequently On Ritalin, Designers
    Frigin’ Old Rebuilt Dodge
    Full Of Roaring Drunks
    Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable
    Fun Obnoxious Redneck Driving
    Funding Our Retirement Daily (mechanic`s point of view)
    Found On Russian Dump

    Got Everything Overhauled
    Grotesque Engineering Outdated
    Get ‘Er Outtahere
    Getting Even Ourway
    Good Engineering Overlooked
    Got Engine, Oh?
    Get Everyone Out
    Guy Earns 0
    Get Everything Overpriced

    Generally Malfunctions
    Grossly Misconceived
    G*d-D@mn Mess
    Genital Motors
    Goshdarn Mess
    Getting Malignant
    General Misery
    Great Mess
    Grab Me
    General Maintenance
    Give More
    Got Me
    Grungy Merchandise
    Garbage Motors
    General Malpratice
    Generally Miserable
    Generally Misunderstood
    Get a Mopar!
    Gluteus Maximus
    Good Money
    General Mistakes
    Great Mistake

    Generically Made Chevrolet
    Garage Man’s Companion
    Great Mountain Climber
    Got A Mechanic Coming?
    God’s Mechanical Curse
    Get More Cash!
    Good Mechanics Cry
    Gay Man’s Chevy
    Great Mountain of Crap
    Greatest Mistake Created
    Girlfriend’s Mothers Car
    Generic Made Chevy
    God Must Cry!
    Garage Mechanics Companion
    Generally Made Crappy
    Gay Man’s Chariot
    General Mass of Crap
    Generally Mediocre Cars
    Gas Mileage Crappy
    Generic Mutilated Crap
    German Milk Cow
    Get More Chicks
    Gets Mechanics Crazy
    Gloomy Mechanical Contraption
    God’s Master Creation
    Goober Makes Cars
    Good Many Clunkers
    Gimme My Checkbook!
    Good Mileage Consistently
    Goofy Mangled Creation
    Generic Motors Corporation
    Got More Crap
    Gotta Mechanic Coming?
    Great Motor Car
    Greasy Messy Contraption
    Great Muscle Cars
    Grungy Mound of Crap

    Got Tossers Inside

    Gets Tickets Often
    Get Tires Often
    Garbage Truck Option
    Gas, Tires, Oil
    Get Tools Out

    Holes Oil Leaks Dents (and) Engine Noises

    Hang On, No Dealer Acquisitions!
    Honest, Officer, Nobody Drank Anything
    Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
    Hold On, No Dealer Addons!
    Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else
    Had One, Never Did Again
    Hold Overs Not Doing Anything
    Honda Options: No Deal Available!
    Hold On, No Dealer Add-ons!
    Honda Options Never Deal Affordably
    Hallmark Of Non-Destructible Automobiles
    Helping Out Nips Destroying America
    Hugely Obnoxious Nuclear Driving Accident
    Had One, Never Do-that Again
    Had Overhauled Nine Days Ago
    Hallmark of Non-Descript Automobiles
    How Odd, No Damn Acceleration
    Hand Over Dollars to Asians
    Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
    Horribly Overpriced, Needing Dad’s Assistance
    Has Often Nice Dealer Accessories
    Hell Of a Nice Damn Automobile
    Highly Overpriced Non-Domestic Automobile
    History of No Dramatic Acceleration
    Hold Overs Not Doing Anything
    Accord: Axles Crack, Coolant Overflows, Radiator Drips

    Hope U Made Me Extra Reliable
    Huge Ugly Mother, Mostly Eats Resources

    Hope You Understand: Nothing’s Drivable And Inexpensive
    Hold Your Usual Nitpicks, Designs Are Improved
    Hang Your UNDerwear Anywhere Inside
    Hope You Understand, No Deals Available Inside
    Helps You Undergo New Debt After Inception
    Hardly Your Understanding New Dealer Allowance Incentive
    How Your Usual Nerd Drives An Import
    Here’s Y U Never Drive An Import

    I Am Chairman Of Chrysler Corporation America

    It Never Found Its Niche: It’s Truly Inconsequential

    It’s Nice That Even Girls Require Automobiles

    International Race Of Crap
    I Race On Credit
    I Race Only Children
    Idiot Runs Over Cats
    I Race Other Cars
    I Reak of Cologne
    It’s Really Only a Camaro
    I Run Over Children
    I’m a Retard Out Cruising
    I’m Really Out of Cash
    Idiot Running On Coke
    I Really Own Crap
    Ignorant Redneck Owns Car
    Incredibly Ragged Out Crap
    I Race Only Civics
    Italian Retard Out Cruising
    Children Only Run from It (backwards)

    Just Expect Extra Payments
    Just Eats Every Penny
    Just Enough Engineering Problems
    Junk Everyone Eventually Piles
    Just Everybody Else’s Parts
    Junk Engineering Executed Poorly
    Just Empty Every Pocket
    Jalopy Extrordinaire – Everything Piecemeal
    Jinxed Engine has Extra Parts
    Jr. Engineered Every Part
    Jump Excitedly in Every Pothole
    Jumps Everything Ever Parked
    Junk Electrical and Emissions Parts
    Junk Everyone Eyes for Parts
    Junky Engines Eat Parts
    Just Eats Every Part
    Just Enough Engine Power?
    Junk Each and Every Piece
    Just Everyone Elses Parts
    Just Expect Essential Parts
    Jumps Everything Except Payments
    Just Expect Every Problem
    Jump Around Get Up And Run
    Jags Always Guarantee Unlimited Astronomical Repairs
    Just A Guess U Are Rich
    Jumps Around Grinds Uncontrollably Always Rusting
    Junk Always Going Under At Repair Shop

    Killer Implosion Awaits
    Kick It’s Ass
    Krap in Action
    Killed In Assembly
    Kills In Accidents
    Keep Inside Asia
    Korea Invades America
    Kiss It Away
    Korean Imitation Accord
    Killed In Accident
    Keep It Away!
    Korea’s Incompetence Amazing
    Killed In Action
    Killer’s Imported Asset
    Kick It Again
    Kill It Anyway
    Korea’s Imported Accident

    Look Everyone My Anus Noticeably Stinks
    Least Enjoyable Machine – Always Needs Something

    Love It Now ‘Cause Only Looks Nifty

    Lucky A Man By Owning Really Gives His Image Nice Inflation
    Loser Always Maintains Big Old Rotten Gunk; Hardly Inflates Nobody’s Image

    Lots Of Trouble Usually Serious
    Look Out, Transmission Utterly Sucks
    Loads Of Trouble Usually Serious

    Loves To Drive
    Long Time Driving
    Last Time Driving
    Long Term Disability
    Last Try from Detroit
    Left To Die
    Little Tin Dream
    Little Transportation Delivered
    Long Term Debt
    Long, Thin Dumpster
    Last To Die
    Lousy Transportation, Dammit!
    Loves To Die

    Must Also Suggest Extra Rope And Towing Implements

    Most Are Zealously Duped Always
    My! Another Zany Detroit Assassin!
    Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
    Many Are Zooming Death Accelerators
    Making A Zillion Dollars Annually
    Model All Zoids Drive Aimlessly
    Must Always Zoom Down Asphalt

    MERCEDES (Benz)
    Most Expensive Road Car Everyone Drives Except Steve
    Merger Engaged Reverse Chrysler Entering Decline Evident Soon
    Money Envy Reliably Causes Every Derogatory Expletive to Surface
    Most Every Red Cent Eventually Dissipates, Extinguishing Savings
    My Expensive Race Car Emits Dense Exhaust Smoke – But Efficiency Near Zero
    Most Eccentric Rich Capitalists Enjoy Driving Expensive Sedans

    Mileage Eventually Ruins Car — Usually Ruins You
    Makes Envisioning REAL Car Understandable — Recalled Yet?
    Motorists Easily Rate Car (Usually “Real Yo-yo”)
    Makes Everyone Really Crave Underpowered, Recalled Yugo

    Men In Tight Spots Uttering Bulls__t In Sexual Harassment Investigation
    Mostly In The Shop Undergoing Big Investments, Sometimes Halfway Incomplete
    Management Incessantly Tolerates Socially Unacceptable Behavior, Ignoring Sexual Harassment Incidents
    May Involve Turbos, Suck Unless Boost Is Seriously High Inside
    Manufactured In Taiwan Sold Under British Influence Shipped Here Incomplete
    Motor Is Tough, Sounds Unbelievably Bad, Intimidates Slow Hondas Incessantly

    My Endeared Transportatin Rusted Out
    Mangey Environmentalist Transporter Rusts On
    Mileage’s Everything; Torque, Running’s Out
    May Every Thing Rattle On
    May Endure Teasing, Ridicule, and Ostracism
    Monkeys Engineered This Road Obstacle
    Martha, Every Thing Rattles Off!

    Money Grabber
    Might Go
    Might Go Backwards
    Mobile Garbage
    Might Go Forward
    Money Guzzler
    Merciless Garbage

    MOst Perfect Automobiles for Racing
    Motor On Pavement After Race
    Mostly Old Parts And Rust
    My Old Pig Always Roars
    Move Over People Are Racing
    Match Old Parts As Required
    Moments Of Power Are Rare
    Most Often Parked At Roadside
    Made of paper and rags
    Most Often Proven At the Racetrack
    Made Of Plastic And Rubber
    Move Over Plymouths Are Racing
    Many Odd Parts Arranged Randomly
    Massively OverPowered And Respected
    Masters Or Performance and Racing
    Miscellaneous Oddball Parts Assembled Ridiculously
    Mitsubishi’s Over Priced American Replicars
    More Overall Performance And Reliability
    More Overall Power And Reliability
    Most Often Passed At Races
    Mostly Old Paint And Rust
    Most OverPowered And Respected
    Mostly Obsolete Parts Assembled Randomly
    Mounds Of Power And Revs
    Move Over, Pentastar Approaching Rapidly
    Made Of Plastic And Rust
    Move Over Plymouth Approaching Rapidly
    Move Over Pontiac Approaching Rapidly
    My Old Pig Ain’t Running
    My Old Plymouth Ain’t Runnin.
    My Only Problems Are Repairs
    Move Over, Power Approaching Rapidly

    My Intention: Always To Accelerate

    Never In Season Simply A No-show
    Need I Say Something About Nothing
    Never In Synch Screeching Awful Noises
    Nine Idiots Standing, Saying Absolutely Nothing
    Needs Imminent Salvage So Abandon Now
    Never I Shall Steal Another Nissan
    Needless Innovations, Silly, Stupid, Automotive Nonsense
    Now in Stupid Shape, Always Nasty
    Nobody Intelligent Sorrowfully Saying Ahhh Nutz

    Noticeably Outstanding Vehicle Award
    Naturally Obnoxious Vehicle Award
    New Owner Very Ashamed
    Noticeably Outstanding Visible Abhorrence
    Nine Old Vagrant Alcoholics
    No Offense – Very Average
    Nightmarish Occult Vehicle Apparition

    Older, Louder, Dumber, Slower
    Obnoxious, Loud Death Sled
    One Leak, Dead Starter

    Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick`s Irregular Leftover Equipment
    Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday
    Old Loose Dented Sheet Metal Outdated By Infamies Like Edsel
    Oh Look, Dammit, Some Massive Oil Burning Idiot’s Leaking Everything
    Old Ladies Drive Slow – Mostly Over Bridges Into Lake Erie
    Old Lady Did Some Mechanical Overtime Because It Lacked Energy

    Poor Old Ninny Thinks It’s A Cadillac
    Piece Of Nasty Tacky Icky Ass Crap
    Pretty Overpriced Not That I Am Concerned
    Puts Out Noxious Toxins In All Cities
    People On Narcotics Think It’s A Chevy
    Poor Old Nitwit Thinks Its A Cadillac
    Plan On Numerous Trips In Another Car
    FIREBIRD: Fast Irresistible Real Electrifying Bird Inexpensive Racing Dare-Devil

    Put In Nickel To Operate
    Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook
    Pyrotechnics Is Naturally The Object
    Put In New Transmission Often
    Performance Is Not The Object

    Police Laugh, Young Men Ogle, Underestimating This Heap
    Please Let Your Mother Out from Under The Hood!

    Puts Out Really Smoky Carbonate Hazardous Emissions
    Plenty Of Receipts. Sorry, Can’t Have Everything
    Please Overlook Really Sh*tty Cardboard Horrible Engine
    Phased Out Racer-Still Can’t Hold Engine
    Piece Of Retired Scrap, Continually High Expense
    Piece Of Rubbish, Saps Continually High Expense
    Pity Only Rich Suckers Can Have ‘Em
    Proof Only Rich Snobby Children Have Everything
    Please Overlook Really Smutty Cardboard Horrible Engine
    Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
    Pulled Over Regularly So Cops Have Enough

    Pistons Rattle, Engine Locks Up, Differential Explodes

    Plainly Runs Only By Exception

    Replace A Beetle? Boy, It Tried
    Racy? Ain’t! Bouncy, Bad Itty-bitty Toy!

    Runs Almost Monthly
    Really Awful Manufacturing
    Really All Malfunctioning
    Rust And Mold

    Retarded Engine, No Acceleration, Ugly Lump of Trash

    Rich Old Ladies Love Spending – Really Old Yuppies Charge Everything

    Sorry Auto Assembled Backwards
    Stinking Atrocity Absent Beauty
    Start Adding Additional Brakefluid
    Backwards >>>> Bad Asses Always Suffocate
    Sad Attempt At Beauty
    Send Another Automobile Back
    Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
    Styling Absent After Buyout
    Swedish Auto – Always Broken
    Sorry As A Bum
    Stop Asking About Brakes!
    Swedish Automobiles Are Beastly
    Surely Absorbs All Bucks
    Scary Antique Absent Brakes
    Sorry Assed American Buyers
    Send Another Atrocity Back
    Swedish Automobile – Always Broken
    Send Away Ass Backwards
    Shake And Advance Backwards
    Simply Archaic And Broken
    Slick As A Brick
    Something Always Appears Broken
    Sorely Absent Any Benefits
    Sorry Auto, Always Broken
    Start Adding Additional Brakefluid
    Still Another Ass Bucket
    Shape Appears Ass-Backward
    Stinky As A Bug
    Sucks Away All Bucks
    Some Ass Actually Boughtit!
    Sorry Assemly Absorbing Bucks
    Swedish Auto’s Are Best

    Sleazy Auto Brakes Leak Everytime

    Some Aristocrats Love Every Expensive Novelty

    Some Argue That Ubiquitous Repairs Needed
    Sorry Assed Transmission Under Repair Now
    Same American Trash Under Revised Name
    Send Another Towtruck Ubiquitous Repairs Needed
    Sounds Absolutely Terrible, Unbelievable Rattling Noises
    Slamming Automatic Transmissions, Undiagnosed Rattle
    Sorry About That Unexpected Recall Notice
    Supposedly American Technology Unfortunately Really Nissan

    Send Undercover Boat And Radioactive Uranium
    Subaru: Souped Up Bad Ass Racing Unit
    Sorry Unreal Bonsai Attempt at a Russian U-boat
    SUBARU backwards is: U R A BUS (You are a bus)
    Stupid Urbanites Bumbling Around Rural Areas
    Souped Up Blazingly Awesome Racing Unit
    Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

    Tolerances Over Yielding, Often Towed Away
    Toyota Overcharges You On Their Accessories
    Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
    Transportation Of Young Or Tasteless Airheads
    This One You Oughta Tow Away
    Totalled Only Yesterday, Officer Towed Away
    To Operate Your Own Terrific Automobile
    Take Off Your Oversised Tires, Asswhole
    Taking Our Yen Out — Thanks All
    The One You Ought To Avoid
    Torturous On Your Old Tired Ass

    Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt!
    The Risk In Useless Machinery Pays Heavily
    This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help!
    The Risk Involving Useless Machinery Pays Heavily
    Trembling Ride, Intrusive Undercarriage, Meekly Powered Hotrod.

    Very Overpriced Lame Vehicle Options
    Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
    Very Outlandish Looking Vehicle Overhaul
    Vagrant Owned Lousy Vehicle Organization
    Vehicles Of Low Velocity Owners
    Very Obsolete Looking Vehicle Oddity
    Very Overpriced Lame Vehicle Options
    Very Often Loses Viable Operation
    Very Ornate Luxury Vehicle, Originally
    Very Overrated Loaded Vehicle Owners

    VW (VolksWagen)
    Very Wonderful
    Vintage Wreck
    Very Old Lowered Kinky Sedan With A Great Engine Noise
    Very Weird
    Volks Who?
    Very Wondeful
    Vtec Wins!
    Virtual Wannabee
    Value Withheld
    Vehicle Wackiness
    Vehicular Waste
    Very Weak
    Virtually Worthless
    Very Worrisome
    Vintage Whirligig
    Very Obsolete, Losers Knowingly Suffer With All German Engineered Nonsense
    Vehicle Wannabee

    Visually Weird, But Everyone Enjoys The Look, Eh?
    Battered Everywhere; Expect To Lose Engine
    By Everyone’s Experience, They Last Eternally!

    Your All Muscle And High Above
    Yet Another Mechanical Atrocity Happens Again

    Yugoslavian Unreliable Garbage to Overlook
    Your Ugly Going Overland

  4. faisal Says:

    how are ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………w……………………………………………i am ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..5005427

  5. Anonymous Says:

    A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge. The judge said, “What will you take: 60 days or $60?” The man thought and replied, “I think I’ll take the money.”

  6. assasin Says:

    a father sent his child to bed then 5 minutes later the boy said…”DAD!!”
    the father replied…”WHAT DO YOU WANT GO TO SLEEP!!” then the child said…”I NEED A GLASS OF WATER PLEASE!!”..the father replied ”NO NOW GO TO SLEEP!!!”….after 5 minutes again the child said..’DAD WHERES MY WATER?!?!?!?!?”the father replied and said…”SHUT UP OR ILL GOING UP THERE WITH MY HANDS EMPTY AND BIG GOING TO SPANK YOU!!!!”the child said..”OK DAD WHEN YOU COME UP HERE WITH YOUR HANDS BIG AND EMPTY!!!CAN U BRING ME A GLASS OF WATER WEN YOU COME PLZ!??!!?”..the father said…”boy hes a smart one..sshshhhsss”


  7. the 13th apartament Says:

    Dacia – made in Romania

    Old and rusty as the old Dacian people (they disappeared almost 2000 years ago) :))

  8. Anonymous Says:

    A TR pulled alongside a Rolls-Royce at a traffic lights.
    “Do you have a car phone?” its driver asked the man in the Rolls.
    “Of course I do,” was the haughty reply.
    “Do you have a fax machine?”
    The Rolls driver sighed. “I have that too.”
    “Do you have a double bed in the back?” the TR driver wanted to know. Ashen-faced, the Rolls driver sped off.
    That afternoon, he had a mechanic install a double bed in his car.
    A week later, the Rolls driver passed the same TR, parked on the side of the road with its back windows fogged up and steam pouring out. The arrogant driver pulled over, got out of the Rolls and banged on the TR’s rear window. “I want you to know that I’ve had a double bed installed,” bragged the Rolls driver.
    The TR driver rolled his window down and frowned at the Rolls driver. “You got me out of the shower to tell me that?”

  9. Anonymous Says:

    A hip young man goes out and buys a 1997 McLaren F1. It is the best and most expensive car available in the world, costing about $2,500,000. He takes it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, “What kind of car ya’ got there, sonny?” The young man replies, “A 1997 McLaren F1. They cost about two and a half million dollars!” “That’s a lot of money,” says the old man, shocked. “Why does it cost so much?” “Because this car can do up to 230 miles an hour!” states the cool dude proudly. The moped driver asks, “Can I take a look inside?” “Sure,” replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car, all right!” Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 230 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster! “What on earth could be going faster than my McLaren F1?!” the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it almost looked like the old man on the moped! “Couldn’t be,” thinks the guy. “How could a moped outrun a McLaren F1?!” Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh Ka-BbblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the dying old man and says, “You’re badly hurt! Is there anything I can do for you?” The old man moans and replies, “Yes, could you please unhook my suspenders from your side mirror?!”

  10. Anonymous Says:

    the big sneeze

  11. Car Leasing Prices Says:

    One of the funniest sites i have ever been on – thanks

  12. Anonymous Says:

    Once I drove to the North of Italy in seven days. It took me three days to get there and four days to fold up the roadmaps.

  13. Anonymous Says:

    Question: Do you know why the British don’t make computers?
    Answer: They couldn’t figure out how to make them leak oil!

  14. Anonymous Says:

    Ten commantments in random order:

    – Thou shalt not allow thy sons and daughters to get married during the car show season.
    – Thou shalt not buy thy wife a floor jack for Christmas.
    – Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s car nor his garage, nor his battery charger.
    – Thou shalt not deceive thy wife into thinking that thee is taking her for a romantic Sunday drive when indeed thou art going out to look at another car.
    – Thou shalt not despise thy neighbor’s Edsel, nor his DeSoto, nor even his ’47 Plymouth.
    – Thou shalt not love thy cars more than thy wife and children.
    – Thou shalt not promise thy wife a new addition for the house and then use it to store cars.
    – Thou shalt not read thy Hemmings on company time, lest thy employer make it impossible to continue thy car payments.
    – Thou shalt not store thy car out-of-doors except for the wife’s Toyota.
    – Thou shalt not tell thy spouse the entire cost of thy latest restoration, at least not all at the same time.

  15. micro$oft rules Says:

    If car are like computers:

    1. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
    2. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
    3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to re-install the engine.
    4. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
    5. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
    6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
    7. You’d press the “start” button to shut off the engine.
    8. Every time they painted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
    9. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car’s performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.

  16. Anonymous Says:

    That was really good one!

  17. pataya Says:

    Dad – Son, come in here, we need to talk.
    Son – What’s up, Dad?

    Dad: There’s a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?

    Son: I don’t believe, if I understand the definition of “scratch the
    car”, that I can say, truthfully, that I scratched the car.

    Dad: Well, it wasn’t there yesterday, and you drove the car last night,
    And no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the

    Son: Well, as I’ve said before, I have no recollection of scratching the
    car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did
    not scratch it.

    Dad: But your sister, Monica, has told me she saw you back the car
    against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud
    scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive
    away. So again I’ll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car?

    Son: Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched
    it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did “I” scratch the car. I
    stand by my earlier statement, that I did not scratch the car.

    Dad: Are you trying to tell me you didn’t drive the car into the

    Son: Well, you see sir, I was trying to drive the car into the street. I
    mishandled the steering of the car, and it resulted in direct contact
    with the mailbox, though that was clearly not my intent.

    Dad: So you are then saying that you did hit the mailbox?

    Son: No sir, that’s not my statement. I’ll refer you back to my original
    statement that I did not scratch the car.

    Dad: But the car did hit the mailbox, and the car did get scratched as
    a result of this contact?

    Son: Well, yes, I suppose you could look at it that way.

    Dad: So you lied to me when you said you did not scratch the car?

    Son: No. No, that’s not correct. Your question was “Did I scratch the
    car?”. From a strict legal definition, as I understood the meaning of
    that sentence, I did not scratch the car… the mailbox did… I was
    merely present when the scratching occurred. So my answer of No”
    when you asked “Did I scratch the car” was legally correct, although
    I did not volunteer information.

    Dad: Son, you are going to wind up as a lawyer or President…

  18. patatya Says:

    Rule number 1 – Always park close enough to the adjacent car so that
    the other driver must grease up with Vaseline to squeeze into
    her/his car.

    Rule number 2 – When waiting for a parking spot, stop in the middle
    of the road, don’t signal, and orient your car diagonally to
    prevent others from passing.

    Rule number 3 – In a crowded parking lot, if you find a spot and
    have the opportunity to pull through to an adjacent one, drive
    up half way and stop on the line, taking both.

    Rule number 4 – As you pull into a spot, if you see that the space
    ahead of you is empty and you see another driver signalling to
    take it, pull though and take it from him.

    Rule number 5 – When driving through the parking lot, ignore the
    painted lanes and drive diagonally from one end to another
    at a high rate of speed.

    Rule number 6 – Always park on the lines, taking up as many spots as
    possible. Diagonal parking is preferred.

    Rule number 7 – When getting out of your car, hit the adjacent
    vehicle with your door really hard.

    Rule number 8 – If the car in front of you stops to let a
    pedestrian cross or another vehicle turn, pull into the lane
    of opposite traffic and attempt to pass him.

    Rule number 9 – When stopped in front of a store and waiting for a
    friend/relative to make a purchase, make sure that you are
    stopped in the middle of the road. The same rules applies to
    picking-up and discharging passengers.

    Rule number 9 – When a vehicle from the opposite direction is
    signalling and waiting for a parking space, position your car
    so that you are in his way and let the car behind you take it.

    Rule number 10 – If you have Handicap license plates, use up a
    regular parking spot.

    Rule number 11 – If you hit the adjacent car with your door and
    leave a dent,wait for a car, which is painted the same colour
    as yours, to drive down the aisle looking for a place to park.
    Then back out, giving up your spot like “Mr. Good Guy” and
    park somewhere else.

    Rule number 12 – Empty your ashtrays on the ground in shopping
    centre parking lots. While your at it, dump out all the
    garbage, too, including that Wendy’s or McDonald’s bag
    sitting in the back seat from breakfast.

    Rule number 13 – deleted…for those who are superstitious!

    Rule number 14 – When exiting a shopping centre into a busy road,
    exit through the narrow “ENTER ONLY” driveway, stick the
    nose of the car into traffic, and wait.

    Rule number 15 – When another vehicle is waiting for you to pull
    out of a spot in a crowded parking lot, take your time.
    Adjust the mirrors, your seat, and the radio. Roll down your
    window, light a cigarette, and eat your lunch. Feel free to
    go through your shopping bags and look at what you just

    Rule number 16 – Always leave your shopping cart behind or tightly
    between parked vehicles.

    Rule number 17 – When walking back to your car in a busy shopping
    centre, gesture to other drivers waiting for a spot to make
    them think that you are getting in the car and leaving. Then
    walk between the cars to the next aisle and do
    it again.

    Rule number 18 – If you are forced to change an infant’s diaper in
    a parking lot,leave the soiled diaper under the car next to

    Rule number 19 – When pulling into a parking spot, if there is a
    shopping cart in the way, lightly tap it with your bumper
    and send it rolling into an adjacent car. Then, when you
    step out, if the cart is still too close, push it down the
    parking lot aisle and let it go. While the cart is flying
    solo, turn around and walk toward the stores.

    Rule number 21 – If you back into a parked car, and the driver
    isn’t with it, take out a piece of paper & start writing.
    This is especially effective if there are 15-20 witnesses. On
    a piece of paper write, “There were ___witnesses when I hit
    your car. They think I’m writing my name, address, and phone

    Rule number 22 – When driving through a parking lot with
    alternating one-way aisles and angled parking spots, drive
    the wrong way. Then when you see a parking space, take 25
    minutes to do a 12-point turn to pull into it.

    Rule number 23 – When shopping at the mall, which requires you to
    load your bags into the car and go back in to do more
    shopping, do NOT tell the driver who is sitting patiently
    watching you load your car and signalling for your spot.

    Rule number 24 – When walking back to your car, if you notice
    other shoppers walking past your car to get to theirs, press
    the buttons on your key chain remote so that your car’s
    alarm makes a sudden loud “BLOOP BLEEP” that scares the crap
    out of them.

    Rule number 25 – If you don’t see a speed limit sign posted in the
    malls parking lot, there isn’t any!

  19. Johnny B Says:

    Nice site! Car acronyms are reaaly awesome.


  20. HO2LY Says:

    1 A fool and his money are soon partying.
    2 Bad cop, no donut.
    3 Beer. It’s not just for breakfast any more.
    4 Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
    5 Clinton doesn’t inhale, he sucks!
    6 Commit random, senseless acts.
    7 Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.
    8 Don’t blame me, I voted for Dole.
    9 Don’t drink and drive, you might spill your drink.
    10 Don’t follow me, I’m lost too!
    11 Don’t steal. The government hates competition.
    12 Eschew obfuscation.
    13 Forget about World Peace..Visualize using your turn signal.
    14 Friends don’t let friends drive naked.
    15 Geez if you belive in honkus.
    16 Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law’s face on the back of a milk carton.
    17 I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
    18 I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
    19 I is a college student.
    20 I know high people in places.
    21 I love cats – they taste just like chicken.
    22 I want to be like Barbie, that bitch has everything.
    23 I’m not so think as you drunk I am.
    24 It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
    25 Lions do it with pride.
    26 Mean people suck . . . Nice people swallow
    27 My kid had sex with your South High honor student.
    28 Never play leap frog with a unicorn.
    29 REHAB is for quitters.
    30 Save California; when you leave take someone with you.
    31 Sex is a misdemeanor. . .the more I miss it, the meaner I get!!
    32 Sex on television can’t hurt you . . . unless you fall off.
    33 Smile. It’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
    34 Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep
    35 Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.
    36 Stop inbreeding… ban country music.
    37 Teachers do it with class.
    38 The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
    39 The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.
    40 Time is what keeps everything from happening at once
    41 Will Rogers never met a lawyer.
    42 Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
    43 Your kid may be an honor student but you’re still an IDIOT!

  21. HO2LY Says:

    Bumper stickers above …

  22. swingers Says:

    I love to have fun and be with my friends when ever possible.
    I’m shy at swinger first but
    once you get to know me I’m always fun to be around. I love laughing
    and being goofy, but also know when to be serious fcuk.

  23. bim bom Says:

    what do lions call a phone book?
    a menu.

  24. Anonymous Says:

    Ahahahaha Good one !

  25. zodiaclove Says:

    I can’t agree with what you wrote really….
    please explain further a bit more for me ;d

    thank you

  26. angala Says:

    why did the chicken cross the road?

    to get to the other side

  27. jihad Says:


  28. jihad Says:

    there is a man stupid called emad

  29. Online Jokes Says:

    An old Italian Mafia Don

    An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

    “You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me.””

    “But grandpa, I really don’t like guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch instead?”

    “Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos. Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then……pointa to you watch and a say, ‘Times Up’?”

  30. herwgah Says:

    why did the skeleton cross the road?

    to get spare bones.

  31. reader Says:

    Dumb and dumber!

    Several hours into a visit to my mother’s house, she noticed I hadn’t lit up a cigarette once.”Are you trying to kick the habit?” “No”, I replied, “I’ve got a cold and I don’t smoke when I’m unwell.” “You know,” she observed; “You’d probably live longer if you were sick more often.”

  32. Anonymous Says:

    pat needed to go into town one day get some things done. she got up out of bed and then got dressed (without showering of course) and went straight for her rav4 to get ready to leave. she then sounds an alarm and went crying to all the neighborhood that her car was stolen. a couple people showed up to investigate. she then leads them to the spot where she intended to see her car. “see the car is missing”, says idiot pat.soon laughter irrupted among the group, one of which then responds -“pat, your car couldn’t be here, we’re still in your bedroom

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