Cars
Jokes about cars. About your neighbors cars ofcourse. Not yours. Be careful not to insult anyone. You can say bad things about someone’s wife but not about his car.
A country and a car are the same. Fiat - Italy, Ford - USA, Volvo - Sweden, Renault - France, Volkwagen - Germany, Toyota - Japan. Insult make of a car and you insult the whole nation. Lets do it!
Ford: F***d Over Rebuilt Dodge
December 25th, 2007 at 4:59 pmFord spelled backwards: Driver Returns On Foot
December 25th, 2007 at 5:02 pmHere are my car acronyms collection. I bet it is the largest one.
If you have more of there drop me a mail: acronym.collector@gmail.com or leave message here.
And please respect my work as a collector, don’t copy-paste it your web site without asking permission.
Here you are:
ACURA
Asia’s Curse Upon Rural America
Awful Crappy Unreliable Rusty Automobile
A Car Usually Rarely Appreciates
Always Catching Up, Rarely Ahead
A Car Under Recall Action
A Case of a Useless Requested Acronym?
A Costly, Unreliable, Repugnant Automobile
All Cars Usually Require Adjustment
Awesome Car, Un-Real Acceleration
Always Cursing Untimely Repair Appointments
America Can Use Real Automobiles
Americans Can Underestimate Routine Accidents
Another Car Using Rice Additives
Another Case of a Useless Requested Acronym
Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
Any Child Understands Real Automobiles
Automobile Causes Ugly Road Accidents
Automobile Causes Universal Road Accidents
Another Contemptible Use of Recycled Aluminum
ALFA
Always Looking For Another
AMC
Awesome Muscle Car
Autos May Combust
Another Major Catastrophe
Always Made Crap
A Major Cost
A Moron’s Car
A Mutated Car
All Makes Combined
All Mistakes Combined
Assholes Make Crap
Another Mess of Crap
AUDI
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Under Diagnostic Inspection
Always Upside-down, Double Interest
Another Understated Dealer Incentive
Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.
A Used Dodge Incognito
All Uninformed Drivers Insulted
Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence
Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
Another Understated Dealer Incentive
Automobile Under Demonic Influence
All Unnecessary Devices Installed
AMC
Autos May Combust
Awesome Muscle Car
Another Major Catastrophe
A Major Cost
A Moron’s Car
A Mutated Car
All Makes Combined
All Mistakes Combined
Another Mess of Crap
Assholes Make Crap
Awesome Muscle Car
BMW
Big Money Works
Bring My Wallet
Bavarian Money Waster
Buy More Women
Bob Marley and the Wailers
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Break My Window
Big Money Wasted
Bring More Women
Busted My Wallet
Burn My Wallet
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
Bring More Wrenches
Bring My Wad!
Blew My Wad!
Bring Money Where?
Brings More Women
Babbling Mechanical Wench
Barely Moving Wreck
Beastly Mechanical Wonder
Beastly Monstrous Wonder
Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels
Beautiful Models Wanted
Bavarian Manure Wagon
Biggest Metal Waste
Break My Windshield
Breaks Most Wrenches
Bumbling Mechanical Wretch
Big Money. Why?
Blasphemous Motorized Wreck
Blew My Money
Born Moderately Wealthy
Break My Windows
Broken Monstrous Wonder
Bring Many Wrenches
Bring Money Weekly
Brings Me Women
Bubba Makes Wheels
Broke My Wallet
Broken Money Waster
BUICK
Built Under the Inspection of a Crazy Korean
Big Ugly Idiot’s Cat Killer
Big Ugly Imitation Chrome King
Big Ugly Import Car Killer
Big Ugly Indestructible Compact Killer
Bought Understanding It Can’t Kickbutt
Butt Ugly Import Car Killer
Butt Ugly In Central Kentucky
Butt Ugly Indestructable Car Killer
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
Butt Ugly Indestructable Compact Killer
CADILLAC
Crazy Aunt Drives It Like A Lunatic Across the Country
Company Asking Dealers If Local Lawyers Are Calling
Company Always Denies Its Lawful Liability After Collisions
Car And Driver Indicates Lady Luck Abandoned Consumer
Cars Are Driven In Long Lines And Crashed
Crazy And Demented Idiots Like Large American Cars
CAMARO
Crappy American Machine Always Requires Oil
Cash Always Miniscule After Retail Overpricing
Calling All Mechanics - Another Required Overhaul
Can A Mechanic Actually Repair One??
Can’t America Make A Real One?
Crapped Another Motor, Another Rear Obliterated
CHEVROLET
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cheap Heap Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Crappy Hot-Running Engines, Very Rusted Out, Lose Every Time
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cant Have Every Vehicle Race On Last Every Time
Cracked Heads Every Valve Rattles Oil Leaks Every Time
Cheap Heaps Erratically Vibrate Running On Level Even Terrain
Can Hear Every Valve Rattle Over Loud Engine Tapping
Can’t Help Every Valve Rattles Or Leaks Every Time!
Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips
Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle, Or Loud Engine Ticks
Cheap Hastily Engineered Vehicle Running On Luck Every Time
Cheap Hazardous Expensive Vehicle Runs On Luck Every Time
Can hear every valve rattle, oil leaks every time
Clutch Hangs, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.
Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques
Check Heads Every Valve Rattles Or Leaks Every Time
Cracked Heads, Every Valve’s Rotten, Oil Leaks Every Time
Crap Heap Enormously Vunerable Runs On Luck Every Time
CHEVY
Cheapest Heap Ever Visualized Yet
Can Hear Every Valve, Rod, or Lifter Every Time
Cruddy Hick Engine Very Yucky
Crap Hasn’t EVolved Yet
Can Hear Every Valve Yelling
Can’t Have Everything Vern, YuoKnoWwhatImean?
Can Hear Every Valve Yell
Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet
Can’t Have Every Vehicle, Yankee
Charged HEaVilY
Cheapest Heap Ever Viewed Yet
Crap Heap Enormously Vunerable Yearly
CHRYSLER
Chrysler Has Raped Your Sanity Loser - Expect Repercussions
Can’t He Repair Your Slow Leaky Expensive Rustbucket?
Car Having Really Yucky Stupid Lazy Engine Runs
Collection of Half Realized Yet Somehow Likeable Engineering Research
Company Has Rid Your Savings Legally: Electronic Robbery
Could Have Remained Your Sickly Lame Elderly Relative’s
Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair
CITROEN
Crummy Interior, Terrible Road-holding, Owned Entirely by Nitwits
Crap Interior Terrible Road-holding Owned Entirely by Nutters
DAEWOO
Damn Asian Engineering Works Only Occasionally
Damn All Engines With Oriental Operations
DATSUN
Detroit’s Angry Towards Sneaky Unscrupulous Nips
DODGE
Damned Old Dudes Going Everywhere
Damn Overhauls Do Get Expensive
Designers Occasionally Do Good Engineering
Doesn’t only die, gets eaten
Darn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Design Of Diabolical German Engineer
Driven Only During Grey Evenings
Dodge Neon: Need Engine Overhauled Now
Darned Old Dirty Greasy Engine
Dear Old Dad’s Garbage Engine
Dorky Outside - Damn Good Engines
Dad Owns Dinky God-awful Elf
Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Dangerous On Days Gears Engage
Dead Old Dog Going East
Dead On Dad’s Garage Elevator
Dead On Day Guarantee Expires
Dead On Delivery, Guarantee Expired
Dead On Delivery, Go Easy
Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter
Dear Old Dad’s Garage Experiment
Death Overcomes Driver’s Generous Ego
Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
Department Of Defense’s Grossest Error
Dead On Delivery, Gasoline Eater
Detroit’s Only Damn Good Engine
Digs Own Damn Grave Eventually
Do Or Die, Get Engine
Don’t Over Drive Gutless Engine
Drops Oil, Drips Grease Everywhere
Doing Overhauls Daily Gets Expensive
DODGE NEON
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere Needs Engine Overhauled Now
DUESENBERG
Doesn’t Understand Every Straight Engine Never Burns Experimental Racing Gas
ECLIPSE
Eagle’s Cousin Likes Intercooler Pressure Supplied
EDSEL
Every Day Something Else Leaks
FERRARI
Fast, Exciting, Racy, Red, And Really Impractical
Ferociously Elegant Racer Ravages All Roads Intuitively
FIAT
Finest Italian Automotive Technology
Failure In Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It Again Today
Found In A Trashcan
Flunky Idiot Assembled This
Fantastic In A Tightspot
Futile Italian Attempt at Transportation
Fix It All the Time
Failed In A Tunnel
Fix it again, Tony!
Fiat is Always Trouble
F**ked In the Ass Twice
Fix It Another Time
Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
Fits In A Thimble
Flats In All Tires
FIRESTONE
Firestone Inexplicably Recalls Explosive SUV Tires On Non-stable Explorers
Firestone Overstates Reliability Data
FORD
Full Of Rust Deposits
F***ing Old Rebuilt Dodge
THUNDERBIRD: This Hoopty Usually Needs Daily Engine Repair But It Rolls Downhill
MUSTANG - Motor Usually Starts Then Almost Never Goes
Found on rack daily
Found on repairman’s doorstep
Frequent Overhaul, Rapid Depreciation
Faithful, Obedient, Reliable, Dependable
F**KING OLD RETARDED DRIVER
Ford Focus….Ford F**ck Us
F**ker Only Rolls Downhill
Finally Obsolete Racing Device
Found On Rubbish Dump
F**ed Over Road Disaster!
F**ing Oakey’s Really Dig’em
F**king Old Retarded Dudes
Fancy Oil Recycling Device
Flipped Over Rebuilt Dodge
Fastest On Road Device
For Old Retired Drunks
FORD backwards -> Driver Returns On Foot, Driver Relies On Family
First On Recall Day
Fast On Race Day
For Off Road Domination
First On Rust and Deterioration
First On Race Day
F***ed On Raw Deal
Fork Over Remaining Dough
Found On Road, Dead
FORD Owners Really Dumb
Fault Of R&D
MUSTANG - Mostly Unwanted Scrap Tin And Needless Garbage
- Motor Under Strain, Transmission Almost No Good
- Massively Ugly Sh*tpile That’s Always No Good
- Men Usually Stand Together And Never Go
Frequently Overhauled, Rarely Driven
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Driver Returns On Foot (backwards)
F**ked over rebuilt Dodge
Fabricated Of Refried Dung
Fails On Rainy Days
Falling Off: Rusty Door
Famous Odor Resistant Dog
Fantastically Orgasmic Realistic Dream
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Fastest On Race Day
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fastest On Road, Dip!
Fatally Obese Redneck Driver
Fault Of R&D
Features O.J. and Ron’s DNA
Final Organ of Reproductive Discipline
Finally Our Racing Dream
Financing Only Rusty Dump
Fireball On Rear Denting
For Off Road Driving
First On Road to Dump
First On Roads & Driveways
For Only Retarded Drivers
First Order of Reproductive Discipline
Fix Or Recycle Dilemma
Ford Owners Recommend Dodge
Flintstone Or Rubble Driven
Flip Over, Read Directions
Fix Or Repair Daily
Flipped Over Roadside Disaster
Flipping Over Results in Death
Flying On Ragged Dreams
Follow Our Ruddy Dogsled
Follow Our Rusty Dogsled
Fond Of Resonating Decibels
Fool Only Runs Downhill (expletive replaced)
Foot On Road Decelerates
Frequent Overhaul, Rapid Deterioration
For Old Racecar Drivers
For Only Redneck Drivers
Funny Old Rattling Dump
Force Of Rapid Departure
Forced to Order Rubber Drivetrain
Forced On Reluctant Drivers
Ford Owner Really Dumb
Fords Only Run Downhill
Forgot Our Recommended Defaults
Found On Rubbish Dump
Fork Over Repair Dough
Forlorn, Old, Ratridden Dustbin
Formed Of Rejected DNA
Forward Only, Reverse Defective
Forwarded Once; Return Denied
Fouled Out Re-done Dodge
Found On Red Dumpster
Found On Redneck’s Driveway
Four Old, Rusted Doors
Found On Roadside Dead
Found On Rockville Dump
Found On Rubbish Dump
Fireball On Rear Damage
Found Outside Refuse Dump
Found Outside Rotting Dump
Four Old, Rattly Doors
Four Old Rusty Doors
Fourth On Race Day
Fraternal Order of Restored DeSotos
Freakin’ Old Retarded Driver
Free Or Reduced Drastically
Frequent Off Road Deaths
Frequent Opinion: Really Disappointed
Funky Old Rebuilt Dodge
Freaky Obsolete Racing Device
Frequently On Ritalin, Designers
Frigin’ Old Rebuilt Dodge
Full Of Roaring Drunks
Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable
Fun Obnoxious Redneck Driving
Funding Our Retirement Daily (mechanic`s point of view)
Found On Russian Dump
GEO
Got Everything Overhauled
Grotesque Engineering Outdated
Get ‘Er Outtahere
Getting Even Ourway
Good Engineering Overlooked
Got Engine, Oh?
Get Everyone Out
Guy Earns 0
Get Everything Overpriced
GM
Generally Malfunctions
Grossly Misconceived
G*d-D@mn Mess
Genital Motors
Goshdarn Mess
Getting Malignant
General Misery
Great Mess
Grab Me
General Maintenance
Give More
GiMme
Got Me
Grungy Merchandise
Garbage Motors
General Malpratice
Generally Miserable
Generally Misunderstood
Get a Mopar!
Gluteus Maximus
Good Money
General Mistakes
Great Mistake
GMC
Generically Made Chevrolet
Garage Man’s Companion
Great Mountain Climber
Got A Mechanic Coming?
God’s Mechanical Curse
Get More Cash!
Good Mechanics Cry
Gay Man’s Chevy
Great Mountain of Crap
Greatest Mistake Created
Girlfriend’s Mothers Car
Generic Made Chevy
God Must Cry!
Garage Mechanics Companion
Generally Made Crappy
Gay Man’s Chariot
General Mass of Crap
Generally Mediocre Cars
Gas Mileage Crappy
Generic Mutilated Crap
German Milk Cow
Get More Chicks
Gets Mechanics Crazy
Gloomy Mechanical Contraption
God’s Master Creation
Goober Makes Cars
Good Many Clunkers
Gimme My Checkbook!
Good Mileage Consistently
Goofy Mangled Creation
Generic Motors Corporation
Got More Crap
Gotta Mechanic Coming?
Great Motor Car
Greasy Messy Contraption
Great Muscle Cars
Grungy Mound of Crap
GTI
Got Tossers Inside
GTO
Gets Tickets Often
Get Tires Often
Garbage Truck Option
Gas, Tires, Oil
Get Tools Out
HOLDEN
Holes Oil Leaks Dents (and) Engine Noises
HONDA
Hang On, No Dealer Acquisitions!
Honest, Officer, Nobody Drank Anything
Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
Hold On, No Dealer Addons!
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else
Had One, Never Did Again
Hold Overs Not Doing Anything
Honda Options: No Deal Available!
Hold On, No Dealer Add-ons!
Honda Options Never Deal Affordably
Hallmark Of Non-Destructible Automobiles
Helping Out Nips Destroying America
Hugely Obnoxious Nuclear Driving Accident
Had One, Never Do-that Again
Had Overhauled Nine Days Ago
Hallmark of Non-Descript Automobiles
How Odd, No Damn Acceleration
Hand Over Dollars to Asians
Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
Horribly Overpriced, Needing Dad’s Assistance
Has Often Nice Dealer Accessories
Hell Of a Nice Damn Automobile
Highly Overpriced Non-Domestic Automobile
History of No Dramatic Acceleration
Hold Overs Not Doing Anything
Accord: Axles Crack, Coolant Overflows, Radiator Drips
HUMMER
Hope U Made Me Extra Reliable
Huge Ugly Mother, Mostly Eats Resources
HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand: Nothing’s Drivable And Inexpensive
Hold Your Usual Nitpicks, Designs Are Improved
Hang Your UNDerwear Anywhere Inside
Hope You Understand, No Deals Available Inside
Helps You Undergo New Debt After Inception
Hardly Your Understanding New Dealer Allowance Incentive
How Your Usual Nerd Drives An Import
Here’s Y U Never Drive An Import
IACOCCA
I Am Chairman Of Chrysler Corporation America
INFINITI
It Never Found Its Niche: It’s Truly Inconsequential
INTEGRA
It’s Nice That Even Girls Require Automobiles
IROC
International Race Of Crap
I Race On Credit
I Race Only Children
Idiot Runs Over Cats
I Race Other Cars
I Reak of Cologne
It’s Really Only a Camaro
I Run Over Children
I’m a Retard Out Cruising
I’m Really Out of Cash
Idiot Running On Coke
I Really Own Crap
Ignorant Redneck Owns Car
Incredibly Ragged Out Crap
I Race Only Civics
Italian Retard Out Cruising
Children Only Run from It (backwards)
Jeep
Just Expect Extra Payments
Just Eats Every Penny
Just Enough Engineering Problems
Junk Everyone Eventually Piles
Just Everybody Else’s Parts
Junk Engineering Executed Poorly
Just Empty Every Pocket
Jalopy Extrordinaire - Everything Piecemeal
Jinxed Engine has Extra Parts
Jr. Engineered Every Part
Jump Excitedly in Every Pothole
Jumps Everything Ever Parked
Junk Electrical and Emissions Parts
Junk Everyone Eyes for Parts
Junky Engines Eat Parts
Just Eats Every Part
Just Enough Engine Power?
Junk Each and Every Piece
Just Everyone Elses Parts
Just Expect Essential Parts
Jumps Everything Except Payments
Just Expect Every Problem
Jump Around Get Up And Run
Jags Always Guarantee Unlimited Astronomical Repairs
Just A Guess U Are Rich
Jumps Around Grinds Uncontrollably Always Rusting
Junk Always Going Under At Repair Shop
KIA
Killer Implosion Awaits
Kick It’s Ass
KOREAN INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT
Krap in Action
Killed In Assembly
Kills In Accidents
Keep Inside Asia
Korea Invades America
Kiss It Away
Korean Imitation Accord
Killed In Accident
Keep It Away!
Korea’s Incompetence Amazing
Killed In Action
Killer’s Imported Asset
Kick It Again
Kill It Anyway
Korea’s Imported Accident
LEMANS
Look Everyone My Anus Noticeably Stinks
Least Enjoyable Machine - Always Needs Something
LINCOLN
Love It Now ‘Cause Only Looks Nifty
LAMBORGHINI
Lucky A Man By Owning Really Gives His Image Nice Inflation
Loser Always Maintains Big Old Rotten Gunk; Hardly Inflates Nobody’s Image
LOTUS
Lots Of Trouble Usually Serious
Look Out, Transmission Utterly Sucks
Loads Of Trouble Usually Serious
LTD
Loves To Drive
Long Time Driving
Last Time Driving
Long Term Disability
Last Try from Detroit
Left To Die
Little Tin Dream
Little Transportation Delivered
Long Term Debt
Long, Thin Dumpster
Last To Die
Lousy Transportation, Dammit!
Loves To Die
Maserati
Must Also Suggest Extra Rope And Towing Implements
MAZDA
Most Are Zealously Duped Always
My! Another Zany Detroit Assassin!
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
Many Are Zooming Death Accelerators
Making A Zillion Dollars Annually
Model All Zoids Drive Aimlessly
Must Always Zoom Down Asphalt
MERCEDES (Benz)
Most Expensive Road Car Everyone Drives Except Steve
Merger Engaged Reverse Chrysler Entering Decline Evident Soon
Money Envy Reliably Causes Every Derogatory Expletive to Surface
Most Every Red Cent Eventually Dissipates, Extinguishing Savings
My Expensive Race Car Emits Dense Exhaust Smoke - But Efficiency Near Zero
Most Eccentric Rich Capitalists Enjoy Driving Expensive Sedans
MERCURY
Mileage Eventually Ruins Car — Usually Ruins You
Makes Envisioning REAL Car Understandable — Recalled Yet?
Motorists Easily Rate Car (Usually “Real Yo-yo”)
Makes Everyone Really Crave Underpowered, Recalled Yugo
MITSUBISHI
Men In Tight Spots Uttering Bulls__t In Sexual Harassment Investigation
Mostly In The Shop Undergoing Big Investments, Sometimes Halfway Incomplete
Management Incessantly Tolerates Socially Unacceptable Behavior, Ignoring Sexual Harassment Incidents
May Involve Turbos, Suck Unless Boost Is Seriously High Inside
Manufactured In Taiwan Sold Under British Influence Shipped Here Incomplete
Motor Is Tough, Sounds Unbelievably Bad, Intimidates Slow Hondas Incessantly
METRO
My Endeared Transportatin Rusted Out
Mangey Environmentalist Transporter Rusts On
Mileage’s Everything; Torque, Running’s Out
May Every Thing Rattle On
May Endure Teasing, Ridicule, and Ostracism
Monkeys Engineered This Road Obstacle
Martha, Every Thing Rattles Off!
MG/MGF/MGB
Money Grabber
Might Go
Might Go Backwards
Mobile Garbage
Might Go Forward
Money Guzzler
Merciless Garbage
MOPAR
MOst Perfect Automobiles for Racing
Motor On Pavement After Race
Mostly Old Parts And Rust
My Old Pig Always Roars
Move Over People Are Racing
Match Old Parts As Required
Moments Of Power Are Rare
Most Often Parked At Roadside
Made of paper and rags
Most Often Proven At the Racetrack
Made Of Plastic And Rubber
Move Over Plymouths Are Racing
Many Odd Parts Arranged Randomly
Massively OverPowered And Respected
Masters Or Performance and Racing
Miscellaneous Oddball Parts Assembled Ridiculously
Mitsubishi’s Over Priced American Replicars
More Overall Performance And Reliability
More Overall Power And Reliability
Most Often Passed At Races
Mostly Old Paint And Rust
Most OverPowered And Respected
Mostly Obsolete Parts Assembled Randomly
Mounds Of Power And Revs
Move Over, Pentastar Approaching Rapidly
Made Of Plastic And Rust
Move Over Plymouth Approaching Rapidly
Move Over Pontiac Approaching Rapidly
My Old Pig Ain’t Running
My Old Plymouth Ain’t Runnin.
My Only Problems Are Repairs
Move Over, Power Approaching Rapidly
MIATA
My Intention: Always To Accelerate
NISSAN
Never In Season Simply A No-show
Need I Say Something About Nothing
Never In Synch Screeching Awful Noises
Nine Idiots Standing, Saying Absolutely Nothing
Needs Imminent Salvage So Abandon Now
Never I Shall Steal Another Nissan
Needless Innovations, Silly, Stupid, Automotive Nonsense
Now in Stupid Shape, Always Nasty
Nobody Intelligent Sorrowfully Saying Ahhh Nutz
NOVA
Noticeably Outstanding Vehicle Award
Naturally Obnoxious Vehicle Award
New Owner Very Ashamed
Noticeably Outstanding Visible Abhorrence
Nine Old Vagrant Alcoholics
No Offense - Very Average
Nightmarish Occult Vehicle Apparition
OLDS
Older, Louder, Dumber, Slower
Obnoxious, Loud Death Sled
One Leak, Dead Starter
OLDSMOBILE
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick`s Irregular Leftover Equipment
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday
Old Loose Dented Sheet Metal Outdated By Infamies Like Edsel
Oh Look, Dammit, Some Massive Oil Burning Idiot’s Leaking Everything
Old Ladies Drive Slow - Mostly Over Bridges Into Lake Erie
Old Lady Did Some Mechanical Overtime Because It Lacked Energy
PONTIAC
Poor Old Ninny Thinks It’s A Cadillac
Piece Of Nasty Tacky Icky Ass Crap
Pretty Overpriced Not That I Am Concerned
Puts Out Noxious Toxins In All Cities
People On Narcotics Think It’s A Chevy
Poor Old Nitwit Thinks Its A Cadillac
Plan On Numerous Trips In Another Car
FIREBIRD: Fast Irresistible Real Electrifying Bird Inexpensive Racing Dare-Devil
PINTO
Put In Nickel To Operate
Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook
Pyrotechnics Is Naturally The Object
Put In New Transmission Often
Performance Is Not The Object
PLYMOUTH
Police Laugh, Young Men Ogle, Underestimating This Heap
Please Let Your Mother Out from Under The Hood!
PORSCHE
PLENTY OF REPAIRS SERVICE CAN’T HELP EVERYTHING
Puts Out Really Smoky Carbonate Hazardous Emissions
Plenty Of Receipts. Sorry, Can’t Have Everything
Please Overlook Really Sh*tty Cardboard Horrible Engine
Phased Out Racer-Still Can’t Hold Engine
Piece Of Retired Scrap, Continually High Expense
Piece Of Rubbish, Saps Continually High Expense
Pity Only Rich Suckers Can Have ‘Em
Proof Only Rich Snobby Children Have Everything
Please Overlook Really Smutty Cardboard Horrible Engine
Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
Pulled Over Regularly So Cops Have Enough
PRELUDE
Pistons Rattle, Engine Locks Up, Differential Explodes
PROBE
Plainly Runs Only By Exception
RABBIT
Replace A Beetle? Boy, It Tried
Racy? Ain’t! Bouncy, Bad Itty-bitty Toy!
RAM
Runs Almost Monthly
Really Awful Manufacturing
Really All Malfunctioning
Rust And Mold
RENAULT
Retarded Engine, No Acceleration, Ugly Lump of Trash
ROLLS-ROYCE
Rich Old Ladies Love Spending - Really Old Yuppies Charge Everything
SAAB
Sorry Auto Assembled Backwards
Stinking Atrocity Absent Beauty
Start Adding Additional Brakefluid
Backwards >>>> Bad Asses Always Suffocate
Sad Attempt At Beauty
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
Styling Absent After Buyout
Swedish Auto - Always Broken
Sorry As A Bum
Stop Asking About Brakes!
Swedish Automobiles Are Beastly
Surely Absorbs All Bucks
Scary Antique Absent Brakes
Sorry Assed American Buyers
Send Another Atrocity Back
Swedish Automobile - Always Broken
Send Away Ass Backwards
Shake And Advance Backwards
Simply Archaic And Broken
Slick As A Brick
Something Always Appears Broken
Sorely Absent Any Benefits
Sorry Auto, Always Broken
Start Adding Additional Brakefluid
Still Another Ass Bucket
Shape Appears Ass-Backward
Stinky As A Bug
Sucks Away All Bucks
Some Ass Actually Boughtit!
Sorry Assemly Absorbing Bucks
Swedish Auto’s Are Best
SABLE
Sleazy Auto Brakes Leak Everytime
SALEEN
Some Aristocrats Love Every Expensive Novelty
SATURN
Some Argue That Ubiquitous Repairs Needed
Sorry Assed Transmission Under Repair Now
Same American Trash Under Revised Name
Send Another Towtruck Ubiquitous Repairs Needed
Sounds Absolutely Terrible, Unbelievable Rattling Noises
Slamming Automatic Transmissions, Undiagnosed Rattle
Sorry About That Unexpected Recall Notice
Supposedly American Technology Unfortunately Really Nissan
SUBARU
Send Undercover Boat And Radioactive Uranium
Subaru: Souped Up Bad Ass Racing Unit
Sorry Unreal Bonsai Attempt at a Russian U-boat
SUBARU backwards is: U R A BUS (You are a bus)
Stupid Urbanites Bumbling Around Rural Areas
Souped Up Blazingly Awesome Racing Unit
Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually
TOYOTA
Tolerances Over Yielding, Often Towed Away
Toyota Overcharges You On Their Accessories
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
Transportation Of Young Or Tasteless Airheads
This One You Oughta Tow Away
Totalled Only Yesterday, Officer Towed Away
To Operate Your Own Terrific Automobile
Take Off Your Oversised Tires, Asswhole
Taking Our Yen Out — Thanks All
The One You Ought To Avoid
Torturous On Your Old Tired Ass
TRIUMPH
Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt!
The Risk In Useless Machinery Pays Heavily
This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help!
The Risk Involving Useless Machinery Pays Heavily
Trembling Ride, Intrusive Undercarriage, Meekly Powered Hotrod.
VOLVO
Very Overpriced Lame Vehicle Options
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
Very Outlandish Looking Vehicle Overhaul
Vagrant Owned Lousy Vehicle Organization
Vehicles Of Low Velocity Owners
Very Obsolete Looking Vehicle Oddity
Very Overpriced Lame Vehicle Options
Very Often Loses Viable Operation
Very Ornate Luxury Vehicle, Originally
Very Overrated Loaded Vehicle Owners
VW (VolksWagen)
Very Wonderful
Vintage Wreck
Very Old Lowered Kinky Sedan With A Great Engine Noise
Very Weird
Volks Who?
Very Wondeful
Vtec Wins!
Virtual Wannabee
Value Withheld
Vehicle Wackiness
Vehicular Waste
Very Weak
Virtually Worthless
Very Worrisome
Vintage Whirligig
Very Obsolete, Losers Knowingly Suffer With All German Engineered Nonsense
Vehicle Wannabee
VW BEETLE
Visually Weird, But Everyone Enjoys The Look, Eh?
Battered Everywhere; Expect To Lose Engine
By Everyone’s Experience, They Last Eternally!
YAMAHA
Your All Muscle And High Above
Yet Another Mechanical Atrocity Happens Again
YUGO
December 26th, 2007 at 10:19 pmYugoslavian Unreliable Garbage to Overlook
Your Ugly Going Overland
how are ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………w……………………………………………i am ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..5005427
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:11 pmA man was caught for speeding and went before the judge. The judge said, “What will you take: 60 days or $60?” The man thought and replied, “I think I’ll take the money.”
January 9th, 2008 at 7:07 pma father sent his child to bed then 5 minutes later the boy said…”DAD!!”
the father replied…”WHAT DO YOU WANT GO TO SLEEP!!” then the child said…”I NEED A GLASS OF WATER PLEASE!!”..the father replied ”NO NOW GO TO SLEEP!!!”….after 5 minutes again the child said..’DAD WHERES MY WATER?!?!?!?!?”the father replied and said…”SHUT UP OR ILL GOING UP THERE WITH MY HANDS EMPTY AND BIG GOING TO SPANK YOU!!!!”the child said..”OK DAD WHEN YOU COME UP HERE WITH YOUR HANDS BIG AND EMPTY!!!CAN U BRING ME A GLASS OF WATER WEN YOU COME PLZ!??!!?”..the father said…”boy hes a smart one..sshshhhsss”
GET MY JOKE?
January 14th, 2008 at 9:51 amDacia - made in Romania
Old and rusty as the old Dacian people (they disappeared almost 2000 years ago) :))
January 24th, 2008 at 5:00 pmA TR pulled alongside a Rolls-Royce at a traffic lights.
March 10th, 2008 at 5:34 pm“Do you have a car phone?” its driver asked the man in the Rolls.
“Of course I do,” was the haughty reply.
“Do you have a fax machine?”
The Rolls driver sighed. “I have that too.”
“Do you have a double bed in the back?” the TR driver wanted to know. Ashen-faced, the Rolls driver sped off.
That afternoon, he had a mechanic install a double bed in his car.
A week later, the Rolls driver passed the same TR, parked on the side of the road with its back windows fogged up and steam pouring out. The arrogant driver pulled over, got out of the Rolls and banged on the TR’s rear window. “I want you to know that I’ve had a double bed installed,” bragged the Rolls driver.
The TR driver rolled his window down and frowned at the Rolls driver. “You got me out of the shower to tell me that?”
A hip young man goes out and buys a 1997 McLaren F1. It is the best and most expensive car available in the world, costing about $2,500,000. He takes it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, “What kind of car ya’ got there, sonny?” The young man replies, “A 1997 McLaren F1. They cost about two and a half million dollars!” “That’s a lot of money,” says the old man, shocked. “Why does it cost so much?” “Because this car can do up to 230 miles an hour!” states the cool dude proudly. The moped driver asks, “Can I take a look inside?” “Sure,” replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car, all right!” Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 230 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster! “What on earth could be going faster than my McLaren F1?!” the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it almost looked like the old man on the moped! “Couldn’t be,” thinks the guy. “How could a moped outrun a McLaren F1?!” Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh Ka-BbblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the dying old man and says, “You’re badly hurt! Is there anything I can do for you?” The old man moans and replies, “Yes, could you please unhook my suspenders from your side mirror?!”
March 10th, 2008 at 5:35 pmthe big sneeze
March 15th, 2008 at 2:44 amOne of the funniest sites i have ever been on - thanks
April 22nd, 2008 at 5:46 pmOnce I drove to the North of Italy in seven days. It took me three days to get there and four days to fold up the roadmaps.
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:51 pmQuestion: Do you know why the British don’t make computers?
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:54 pmAnswer: They couldn’t figure out how to make them leak oil!
Ten commantments in random order:
- Thou shalt not allow thy sons and daughters to get married during the car show season.
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:58 pm- Thou shalt not buy thy wife a floor jack for Christmas.
- Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s car nor his garage, nor his battery charger.
- Thou shalt not deceive thy wife into thinking that thee is taking her for a romantic Sunday drive when indeed thou art going out to look at another car.
- Thou shalt not despise thy neighbor’s Edsel, nor his DeSoto, nor even his ‘47 Plymouth.
- Thou shalt not love thy cars more than thy wife and children.
- Thou shalt not promise thy wife a new addition for the house and then use it to store cars.
- Thou shalt not read thy Hemmings on company time, lest thy employer make it impossible to continue thy car payments.
- Thou shalt not store thy car out-of-doors except for the wife’s Toyota.
- Thou shalt not tell thy spouse the entire cost of thy latest restoration, at least not all at the same time.
If car are like computers:
1. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:39 pm2. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to re-install the engine.
4. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
5. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
7. You’d press the “start” button to shut off the engine.
8. Every time they painted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
9. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car’s performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.
That was really good one!
April 28th, 2008 at 9:44 amDad - Son, come in here, we need to talk.
Son - What’s up, Dad?
Dad: There’s a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?
Son: I don’t believe, if I understand the definition of “scratch the
car”, that I can say, truthfully, that I scratched the car.
Dad: Well, it wasn’t there yesterday, and you drove the car last night,
And no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the
scratch?
Son: Well, as I’ve said before, I have no recollection of scratching the
car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did
not scratch it.
Dad: But your sister, Monica, has told me she saw you back the car
against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud
scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive
away. So again I’ll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car?
Son: Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched
it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did “I” scratch the car. I
stand by my earlier statement, that I did not scratch the car.
Dad: Are you trying to tell me you didn’t drive the car into the
mailbox?
Son: Well, you see sir, I was trying to drive the car into the street. I
mishandled the steering of the car, and it resulted in direct contact
with the mailbox, though that was clearly not my intent.
Dad: So you are then saying that you did hit the mailbox?
Son: No sir, that’s not my statement. I’ll refer you back to my original
statement that I did not scratch the car.
Dad: But the car did hit the mailbox, and the car did get scratched as
a result of this contact?
Son: Well, yes, I suppose you could look at it that way.
Dad: So you lied to me when you said you did not scratch the car?
Son: No. No, that’s not correct. Your question was “Did I scratch the
car?”. From a strict legal definition, as I understood the meaning of
that sentence, I did not scratch the car… the mailbox did… I was
merely present when the scratching occurred. So my answer of No”
when you asked “Did I scratch the car” was legally correct, although
I did not volunteer information.
Dad: Son, you are going to wind up as a lawyer or President…
June 2nd, 2008 at 12:09 pmRule number 1 - Always park close enough to the adjacent car so that
the other driver must grease up with Vaseline to squeeze into
her/his car.
Rule number 2 - When waiting for a parking spot, stop in the middle
of the road, don’t signal, and orient your car diagonally to
prevent others from passing.
Rule number 3 - In a crowded parking lot, if you find a spot and
have the opportunity to pull through to an adjacent one, drive
up half way and stop on the line, taking both.
Rule number 4 - As you pull into a spot, if you see that the space
ahead of you is empty and you see another driver signalling to
take it, pull though and take it from him.
Rule number 5 - When driving through the parking lot, ignore the
painted lanes and drive diagonally from one end to another
at a high rate of speed.
Rule number 6 - Always park on the lines, taking up as many spots as
possible. Diagonal parking is preferred.
Rule number 7 - When getting out of your car, hit the adjacent
vehicle with your door really hard.
Rule number 8 - If the car in front of you stops to let a
pedestrian cross or another vehicle turn, pull into the lane
of opposite traffic and attempt to pass him.
Rule number 9 - When stopped in front of a store and waiting for a
friend/relative to make a purchase, make sure that you are
stopped in the middle of the road. The same rules applies to
picking-up and discharging passengers.
Rule number 9 - When a vehicle from the opposite direction is
signalling and waiting for a parking space, position your car
so that you are in his way and let the car behind you take it.
Rule number 10 - If you have Handicap license plates, use up a
regular parking spot.
Rule number 11 - If you hit the adjacent car with your door and
leave a dent,wait for a car, which is painted the same colour
as yours, to drive down the aisle looking for a place to park.
Then back out, giving up your spot like “Mr. Good Guy” and
park somewhere else.
Rule number 12 - Empty your ashtrays on the ground in shopping
centre parking lots. While your at it, dump out all the
garbage, too, including that Wendy’s or McDonald’s bag
sitting in the back seat from breakfast.
Rule number 13 - deleted…for those who are superstitious!
Rule number 14 - When exiting a shopping centre into a busy road,
exit through the narrow “ENTER ONLY” driveway, stick the
nose of the car into traffic, and wait.
Rule number 15 - When another vehicle is waiting for you to pull
out of a spot in a crowded parking lot, take your time.
Adjust the mirrors, your seat, and the radio. Roll down your
window, light a cigarette, and eat your lunch. Feel free to
go through your shopping bags and look at what you just
bought.
Rule number 16 - Always leave your shopping cart behind or tightly
between parked vehicles.
Rule number 17 - When walking back to your car in a busy shopping
centre, gesture to other drivers waiting for a spot to make
them think that you are getting in the car and leaving. Then
walk between the cars to the next aisle and do
it again.
Rule number 18 - If you are forced to change an infant’s diaper in
a parking lot,leave the soiled diaper under the car next to
you.
Rule number 19 - When pulling into a parking spot, if there is a
shopping cart in the way, lightly tap it with your bumper
and send it rolling into an adjacent car. Then, when you
step out, if the cart is still too close, push it down the
parking lot aisle and let it go. While the cart is flying
solo, turn around and walk toward the stores.
Rule number 21 - If you back into a parked car, and the driver
isn’t with it, take out a piece of paper & start writing.
This is especially effective if there are 15-20 witnesses. On
a piece of paper write, “There were ___witnesses when I hit
your car. They think I’m writing my name, address, and phone
number!
Rule number 22 - When driving through a parking lot with
alternating one-way aisles and angled parking spots, drive
the wrong way. Then when you see a parking space, take 25
minutes to do a 12-point turn to pull into it.
Rule number 23 - When shopping at the mall, which requires you to
load your bags into the car and go back in to do more
shopping, do NOT tell the driver who is sitting patiently
watching you load your car and signalling for your spot.
Rule number 24 - When walking back to your car, if you notice
other shoppers walking past your car to get to theirs, press
the buttons on your key chain remote so that your car’s
alarm makes a sudden loud “BLOOP BLEEP” that scares the crap
out of them.
Rule number 25 - If you don’t see a speed limit sign posted in the
June 2nd, 2008 at 12:26 pmmalls parking lot, there isn’t any!
Nice site! Car acronyms are reaaly awesome.
Thanks.
June 6th, 2008 at 8:15 am1 A fool and his money are soon partying.
June 6th, 2008 at 12:43 pm2 Bad cop, no donut.
3 Beer. It’s not just for breakfast any more.
4 Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
5 Clinton doesn’t inhale, he sucks!
6 Commit random, senseless acts.
7 Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.
8 Don’t blame me, I voted for Dole.
9 Don’t drink and drive, you might spill your drink.
10 Don’t follow me, I’m lost too!
11 Don’t steal. The government hates competition.
12 Eschew obfuscation.
13 Forget about World Peace..Visualize using your turn signal.
14 Friends don’t let friends drive naked.
15 Geez if you belive in honkus.
16 Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law’s face on the back of a milk carton.
17 I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
18 I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
19 I is a college student.
20 I know high people in places.
21 I love cats - they taste just like chicken.
22 I want to be like Barbie, that bitch has everything.
23 I’m not so think as you drunk I am.
24 It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
25 Lions do it with pride.
26 Mean people suck . . . Nice people swallow
27 My kid had sex with your South High honor student.
28 Never play leap frog with a unicorn.
29 REHAB is for quitters.
30 Save California; when you leave take someone with you.
31 Sex is a misdemeanor. . .the more I miss it, the meaner I get!!
32 Sex on television can’t hurt you . . . unless you fall off.
33 Smile. It’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
34 Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep
35 Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.
36 Stop inbreeding… ban country music.
37 Teachers do it with class.
38 The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
39 The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.
40 Time is what keeps everything from happening at once
41 Will Rogers never met a lawyer.
42 Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
43 Your kid may be an honor student but you’re still an IDIOT!
Bumper stickers above …
June 6th, 2008 at 12:45 pmI love to have fun and be with my friends when ever possible.
June 16th, 2008 at 2:17 pmI’m shy at swinger first but
once you get to know me I’m always fun to be around. I love laughing
and being goofy, but also know when to be serious fcuk.
what do lions call a phone book?
July 23rd, 2008 at 2:13 ama menu.
Ahahahaha Good one !
September 25th, 2008 at 8:59 amhola
I can’t agree with what you wrote really….
please explain further a bit more for me ;d
thank you
September 30th, 2008 at 12:32 amwhy did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side
October 8th, 2008 at 2:56 pmhello
November 27th, 2008 at 8:28 pmthere is a man stupid called emad
November 27th, 2008 at 8:31 pmAn old Italian Mafia Don
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.
“You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me.”"
“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch instead?”
“Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos. Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then……pointa to you watch and a say, ‘Times Up’?”
http://your1stoptoallonlinejokes.blogspot.com/
December 18th, 2008 at 11:08 am