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Blondes

Jokes about girls who have a white hair and an empty head.

37 Jokes to “Blondes”

  1. admin Says:

    Q: Why did the blond get excited after she finished the jigsaw puzzle in only six months?
    A: Because on the box, it said “from 2-4 years.”

  2. Anonymous Says:

    Three blondes walked into a bar. The bartender asked the first what she wanted. She replied “I’ll have a bl.” He thought a moment and then asked her “What’s a bl?” She replied, “Well, duh, a bl is a Bud Lite.” He turned to the second one and asked what she wanted. She replied “Make mine a ml.” He thought ok, if a bl is Bud Lite, then ml could be Michelob or something, and said, “OK, what’s a ml?” She replied, “Well, duh, it’s a Miller Lite.” He then turned to the third one and asked what she wanted. She replied “I’ll have a 13.” He said, “Well, “bl” is Bud Lite, and “ml” is Miller Lite, but I have never heard of a 13. What is it?” She said, “Well, it’s a 7-7.”

  3. Joker Says:

    A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 02:30. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied:

    “You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and every time I get a different answer.”

  4. Anonymous Says:

    A blonde woman was standing at the pop machine; she put in a coin and pressed the Coke button and out came a can of Coke. She looked at it and smiled. She took out a dollar, put it in the pop machine pressed the 7Up button and out came a can of 7Up. She looked at it and really started smiling. She put in the change from her dollar and pressed the Coke button again, out came another can of Coke. Then she was just beaming!

    There was a man standing there watching her, and he finally went up to her and said, “What are you doing?” She looked at him and said, “Duh, I’m winning!”

  5. Anonymous Says:

    How does a blonde change a lightbulb?
    She says, “Daddy, I want a new apartment.”

  6. Anonymous Says:

    Question: What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
    Answer: Artificial intelligence.

  7. admin Says:

    Josh was helping Sally, a blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled “Emergency Repair Kit”. Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.
    Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.

    She said, “It’s part of my emergency repair kit.”

    Josh said, “I can see that, but why?”

    Sally replied, “In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires.”

  8. Anonymous Says:

    There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer.

    A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says β€œIf we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day”

  9. Anonymous Says:

    A blonde goes into an appliance store looking for a tv. After a few minutes, she picks one out and approaches the salesman. “I want to buy this television,” she says. The salesman replies, “Sorry, we don’t serve blondes here.” She gets mad, leaves and goes home. She dyes her hair brown and returns to the store. “I want to buy this television.” she says to the salesman, getting the same response; “Sorry miss, we don’t serve blondes here.” She leaves again, frustrated. She goes home and proceeds to shave her head, eyebrows and all, leaving no visible trace of blonde hair on her head. Upon returning to the store, she once again approaches the salesman. “Sir, I would like to purchase this television, and I don’t want any problems.” To which the salesman replies, “Sorry Miss, we don’t serve blondes.” Fed up with this, she cries, “How can you tell that I am blonde? I have dyed my hair and even resorted to shaving my head!” To which the salesman replied, “Well, Miss, that television you are trying to buy is a microwave!”

  10. Blond&brun Says:

    A blonde and a brunette are both in a lift.

    On the 3rd floor a man gets on who’s perfect: Italian suit, handsome, great build with a nice butt, but unfortunately they both notice he has a bad case of dandruff.
    The man gets off on the 5th floor.
    Once the doors close, the brunette turns to the blonde and says, “Someone should give him Head & Shoulders.”
    To which the blonde replies, “How do you give Shoulders?”

  11. Three Blondes Says:

    3 blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.

    The first blonde said, “Those are elk tracks.”
    The second blonde said, “No, those are deer tracks.”
    The third blonde said, “You’re both wrong, those are moose tracks.”
    The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.

  12. Short ones Says:

    Why shouldn’t blondes have coffee breaks?

    It takes too long to re-train them.

    ——————————————————————

    Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?

    They think their picture is being taken.
    ——————————————————————

    What do you call an eternity?

    Four blondes at a four way stop.

  13. Anonymous Says:

    What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?

    Bigfoot has been spotted.

  14. admin Says:

    A policeman stops a blonde for speeding and asks her if he could see her license.

    She replied: “I wish you guys could get your act together.
    Yesterday you take away my driving license and now today you expect me to show it to you.”

  15. Anonymous Says:

    2 Blondes in a Fire

    2 blondes realize that their apartment is
    on fire. They go out onto the balcony.

    “Help!” yells the first blonde.

    “Help me, help me!” yells the other blonde.

    “Maybe it would help if we yell together,”
    said the first blonde.

    “Good idea,” said the other.

    “Together, together!”

  16. b Says:

    Blonde’s medical terms

    Caesarean Section: A district in Rome
    Artery: The study of paintings
    Colic: A sheep dog
    Congenital: Friendly
    Coma: A punctuation mark
    D & C: Where Washington is
    Dilate: To live long
    Enema: Not a friend
    Prostate: Flat on your back
    Grippe: Suitcase
    Hangnail: Coat hook
    Labor pain: Getting hurt at work
    Morbid : Higher offer
    Nitrate: Cheaper than a day rate
    Outpatient: Person who has fainted
    Cauterize: Make eye contact with her
    Pelvis: Cousin of Elvis
    Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery
    Seizure: Roman Emperor
    Tablet: A small table
    Bowels : A letter like A, E, I, O or U
    Terminal illness: Getting sick at the airport
    Barium: What doctors do when treatment fails
    Tumor: More than one
    Urine: Opposite of you’re out
    Varicose: Near by
    GI series: Soldier ballgame
    Vein: Conceited
    Catscan: Searching for kitty
    Bacteria: Back door to a cafeteria

  17. tinytips Says:

    The Blonde’s Guide to Medical Terms :

    Question: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolatechip cookies?
    Answer: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

    Question: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
    Answer: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.

    Question: What’s black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
    Answer: A blond electrician

    Question: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
    Answer: “Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?”

    Question: What’s the difference between a blond and a shopping cart?
    Answer: A shopping cart has a mind of it’s own.

    Question: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
    Answer: To see what was on the other side.

    Question: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
    Answer: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.

    Question: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
    Answer: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

    Question: What’s the difference between a blonde and a guy?
    Answer: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

    Question: What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?
    Answer: Humpme Dumpme.

    Question: Why do blondes tattoo their zipcode under their belly button?
    Answer: So they can get the male into the right box.

    Question: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
    Answer: So she could keep the refrigerator cold!

    Question: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
    Answer: An Air Bag

    Question: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
    Answer: A thought.

    Question: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
    Answer: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won’t
    follow you around for a week.

    Q. Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
    A. She kept throwing out the “W’s”.

    Question: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
    Answer: Because it kept falling out.

    Question: How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawn mower?
    Answer: The green “Welcome” mat is ripped all to shreds.

    Question: A blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground
    first?
    Answer: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

    Question: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer’s disease?
    Answer: Her IQ goes up!

    Question: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
    Answer: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

    Q. What do you call a blond upside-down?
    A. A brunette

    Q. Why cant a blonde make cool-aid?
    A. She can’t fit 2 cups of water in the little packet.

    Q. What did the blonde say when she woke up?
    A. Who the hell are you!?!?!

    Q. Why can’t blondes’ pass their driving tests?
    A. They always jump in the back seat.

    Question: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet???
    Answer: The winner of a Hide and Seek game.

    Question: Did you hear about the blonde who lost 85% of her brains?
    Answer: Her husband died.

    Question: How does a blonde turn on the light in the morning?
    Answer: Opens the car door.

    Question: How come the blonde had a square chest?
    Answer: She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box.

    Question: How do you change a blondes mind?
    Answer: Blow in her ear.

    Question: How do you drown a blonde?
    Answer: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

    Question: How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
    Answer: Wave.

    Question: What does a blonde say after making love?
    Answer: Thanks guys.

    Question: What did the blonde say when the job interviewer asked her to spell her
    name?
    Answer: “H-E-R N-A-M-E.”

    Question: What do you call 2 blondes in a freezer?
    Answer: Frosted flakes.

    Question: What is a blondes mating call?
    Answer: Oh, I’m soooooo drunk!

    Question: What do you call a blonde with 1/2 a brain?
    Answer: Gifted.

    Question: What do you call a brunette between 2 blondes?
    Answer: An interpreter.

    Question: What do you call a circle of blondes?
    Answer: A dope ring.

    Question: What do you have when there are three blondes in a corner?
    Answer: An air pocket.

    Question: Why do you take a blonde shopping with you?
    Answer: To be able to park in the handicapped zone.

    Question: What goes “VROOOM SCREECH! VROOOM SCREECH! VROOOM SCREECH!”
    Answer: A blonde at a flashing red light!

    Question: What happened to the blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
    Answer: She burned her lips on the exhaust pipe.

    Question: What is the difference between a young blonde and an old blonde?
    Answer: A young one uses Vaseline; an old one uses Poli-Grip.

    Question: Why did 18 blondes go to the R-rated movie?
    Answer: Because they heard that under 17 was not admitted.

    Question: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
    Answer: More head room.

    Question: Why do blondes write TGIF on their bras?
    Answer: Tits Go In First

    Question: Why do you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week?
    Answer: So you don’t have to retrain them on Monday.

    Question: Why do blondes wear panties?
    Answer: To keep their ankles warm.

    Question: Why does a blonde eat beans on Saturday?
    Answer: So she can take a bubble bath on Sunday.

    Question: Why don’t blondes like pickles?
    Answer: They keep getting their head stuck in the jar.

    Question: How do you know a blonde’s been using your computer?
    Answer: Lipstick on the joystick

  18. Anonymous Says:

    πŸ™‚ πŸ˜‰ πŸ™‚ x)

  19. Anonymous Says:

    charlotte is a blonde

  20. Anonymous Says:

    There was a red head, brunette and a blonde.
    they were in the garden talking about their pregnecies, the red head said”im gonna have a boy”
    the blonde replied”how do you know”
    “because he was on top”
    then the brunette says”im going to have a girl”
    the blonde replied”how do you know”
    “because i was on top”
    all of a sudden the blonde burst into tears, when she finally calmed down they asked the blonde why she was crying.
    “i’m going to have puppies”

  21. Anonymous Says:

    did you hear about the blonde tap dancer?
    she fell into the sink

  22. Anonymous Says:

    How do you know if a blonde been at your computer?
    theres a condom on the joy stick

  23. Anonymous Says:

    A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening.
    She runs to her mum and says: “Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It’s good, innit?”
    “Yes, darling, very good.” Answers the mom.
    “Is that because I’m blonde?” she asks.
    “Yes, darling, it’s because you’re blonde.” The mom says.
    Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: “Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It’s good, innit?”
    “Yes, darling, very good.” Answers the mom.
    “Is that because I’m blonde, mummy?” she asks.
    “Yes, darling it’s because you’re blonde.” The mom says.
    Next Day, she returns from school and cries: “Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!” She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy. “Is that because I’m blonde, mummy?”
    “No darling, it’s because you’re 25.”

  24. Anonymous Says:

    A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

    As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

    Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, β€œIs something wrong?”

    To which she replied, β€œThere certainly is!”

    My stupid computer keeps saying, β€œYou’ve got mail!”

  25. Anonymous Says:

    There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

    The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”

    Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”

    Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

    The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”

    Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

  26. Anonymous Says:

    A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

    The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.

    The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, “shut up…you’re next!”

  27. Anonymous Says:

    A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly.

    As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter.

    He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. “I’m doing great! I love it!

    The view is so beautiful, and I’m starting to get the hang of this.”

    After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn’t radioed in.

    A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away.

    He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.
    When he asked what happened, she said,
    “I don’t know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold.

  28. Anonymous Says:

    A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
    “My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
    “Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
    “Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
    “Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ….”
    “Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and fort

  29. Anonymous Says:

    πŸ˜‰ πŸ™‚ πŸ˜‰

  30. Anonymous Says:

    why do blondes like b.m.w. because they can spell it

  31. juandre Says:

    why does a blond stand still in front of the stofe

    anws:becuase the coocking book says dont stir.

  32. Anonymous Says:

    A blond was driving in the countryside in her new 1970 model VW beetle when she noticed another blond, also in a Beetle, stuck on the curb of the road.
    Whats wrong, she asks.
    I don’t know replied the other blond. I think I have engine problem.
    Is that all, replied the first blond. Don’t worry I can help you. I have a spare engine in the back.

  33. Anonymous Says:

    How do you keep a blond occupied.
    You give her a piece of paper with PTO written on both sides.

  34. Anonymous Says:

    I once found a blonde drawning a fish

  35. alix Says:

    A blonde and a brunnet jumped of a bringe but wat 1 hit the floor first?
    the brunnet cos the blonde had to stop and asked 4 directions……lmao

  36. Anonymous Says:

    two twin blonds were sitting in the lawn having lunch this 1 afternoon
    when the older blond sister says to the younger one people say we look like our mother
    and the younger one says ofcourse we do silly she is our mother,the younger sis then says
    my father says i have the same nose as him the older sis say huh! ofcourse you do silly he is our father & the young sis says my mother also says i snore when i am asleep & the older sis says that’s becoz you sleep with your mouth open silly, then the older sis says my mother says i am forgetful sometimes & the young one looking puzzled and confused at this big word her sister is using she gigggles as if to know what the big sister means & asks what does forgetful mean & the big sis exhale & says eish you know what i can’t remember.

  37. nala Says:

    A certain blonde was broke, so she made up a perfect plan. She kidnapped a little boy, took him behind a tree and pinned a note that says “I took your son. Bring me $10 000,00 in a black plastic bag and put it in the dustbin in the park. Don’t involve the police. Yours trully, The Blonde” inside the boys jacket and sent him straight home. The following day she found the plastic bag as per her instructions, but inside there was a note: “Heres your money. I cannot believe that a blonde can do this another. Yours trully, The Other Blonde.”

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