Three blondes walked into a bar. The bartender asked the first what she wanted. She replied “I’ll have a bl.” He thought a moment and then asked her “What’s a bl?” She replied, “Well, duh, a bl is a Bud Lite.” He turned to the second one and asked what she wanted. She replied “Make mine a ml.” He thought ok, if a bl is Bud Lite, then ml could be Michelob or something, and said, “OK, what’s a ml?” She replied, “Well, duh, it’s a Miller Lite.” He then turned to the third one and asked what she wanted. She replied “I’ll have a 13.” He said, “Well, “bl” is Bud Lite, and “ml” is Miller Lite, but I have never heard of a 13. What is it?” She said, “Well, it’s a 7-7.”
A blonde woman was standing at the pop machine; she put in a coin and pressed the Coke button and out came a can of Coke. She looked at it and smiled. She took out a dollar, put it in the pop machine pressed the 7Up button and out came a can of 7Up. She looked at it and really started smiling. She put in the change from her dollar and pressed the Coke button again, out came another can of Coke. Then she was just beaming!
There was a man standing there watching her, and he finally went up to her and said, “What are you doing?” She looked at him and said, “Duh, I’m winning!”
Josh was helping Sally, a blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled “Emergency Repair Kit”. Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.
Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.
She said, “It’s part of my emergency repair kit.”
Josh said, “I can see that, but why?”
Sally replied, “In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires.”
There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer.
A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says “If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day”
A blonde goes into an appliance store looking for a tv. After a few minutes, she picks one out and approaches the salesman. “I want to buy this television,” she says. The salesman replies, “Sorry, we don’t serve blondes here.” She gets mad, leaves and goes home. She dyes her hair brown and returns to the store. “I want to buy this television.” she says to the salesman, getting the same response; “Sorry miss, we don’t serve blondes here.” She leaves again, frustrated. She goes home and proceeds to shave her head, eyebrows and all, leaving no visible trace of blonde hair on her head. Upon returning to the store, she once again approaches the salesman. “Sir, I would like to purchase this television, and I don’t want any problems.” To which the salesman replies, “Sorry Miss, we don’t serve blondes.” Fed up with this, she cries, “How can you tell that I am blonde? I have dyed my hair and even resorted to shaving my head!” To which the salesman replied, “Well, Miss, that television you are trying to buy is a microwave!”
On the 3rd floor a man gets on who’s perfect: Italian suit, handsome, great build with a nice butt, but unfortunately they both notice he has a bad case of dandruff.
The man gets off on the 5th floor.
Once the doors close, the brunette turns to the blonde and says, “Someone should give him Head & Shoulders.”
To which the blonde replies, “How do you give Shoulders?”
3 blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, “Those are elk tracks.”
The second blonde said, “No, those are deer tracks.”
The third blonde said, “You’re both wrong, those are moose tracks.”
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
Caesarean Section: A district in Rome
Artery: The study of paintings
Colic: A sheep dog
Coma: A punctuation mark
D & C: Where Washington is
Dilate: To live long
Enema: Not a friend
Prostate: Flat on your back
Hangnail: Coat hook
Labor pain: Getting hurt at work
Morbid : Higher offer
Nitrate: Cheaper than a day rate
Outpatient: Person who has fainted
Cauterize: Make eye contact with her
Pelvis: Cousin of Elvis
Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery
Seizure: Roman Emperor
Tablet: A small table
Bowels : A letter like A, E, I, O or U
Terminal illness: Getting sick at the airport
Barium: What doctors do when treatment fails
Tumor: More than one
Urine: Opposite of you’re out
Varicose: Near by
GI series: Soldier ballgame
Catscan: Searching for kitty
Bacteria: Back door to a cafeteria
There was a red head, brunette and a blonde.
they were in the garden talking about their pregnecies, the red head said”im gonna have a boy”
the blonde replied”how do you know”
“because he was on top”
then the brunette says”im going to have a girl”
the blonde replied”how do you know”
“because i was on top”
all of a sudden the blonde burst into tears, when she finally calmed down they asked the blonde why she was crying.
“i’m going to have puppies”
A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening.
She runs to her mum and says: “Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It’s good, innit?”
“Yes, darling, very good.” Answers the mom.
“Is that because I’m blonde?” she asks.
“Yes, darling, it’s because you’re blonde.” The mom says.
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: “Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It’s good, innit?”
“Yes, darling, very good.” Answers the mom.
“Is that because I’m blonde, mummy?” she asks.
“Yes, darling it’s because you’re blonde.” The mom says.
Next Day, she returns from school and cries: “Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!” She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy. “Is that because I’m blonde, mummy?”
“No darling, it’s because you’re 25.”
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!”
My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and fort
A blond was driving in the countryside in her new 1970 model VW beetle when she noticed another blond, also in a Beetle, stuck on the curb of the road.
Whats wrong, she asks.
I don’t know replied the other blond. I think I have engine problem.
Is that all, replied the first blond. Don’t worry I can help you. I have a spare engine in the back.
two twin blonds were sitting in the lawn having lunch this 1 afternoon
when the older blond sister says to the younger one people say we look like our mother
and the younger one says ofcourse we do silly she is our mother,the younger sis then says
my father says i have the same nose as him the older sis say huh! ofcourse you do silly he is our father & the young sis says my mother also says i snore when i am asleep & the older sis says that’s becoz you sleep with your mouth open silly, then the older sis says my mother says i am forgetful sometimes & the young one looking puzzled and confused at this big word her sister is using she gigggles as if to know what the big sister means & asks what does forgetful mean & the big sis exhale & says eish you know what i can’t remember.
A certain blonde was broke, so she made up a perfect plan. She kidnapped a little boy, took him behind a tree and pinned a note that says “I took your son. Bring me $10 000,00 in a black plastic bag and put it in the dustbin in the park. Don’t involve the police. Yours trully, The Blonde” inside the boys jacket and sent him straight home. The following day she found the plastic bag as per her instructions, but inside there was a note: “Heres your money. I cannot believe that a blonde can do this another. Yours trully, The Other Blonde.”