Daily Dilbert
Bullshit Bingo
Funny math pictures
Are you smarter than your calculator?

Doctors

Jokes about doctors. Do you have an appointment? If yes, then don’t read any further.

16 Jokes to “Doctors”

  1. funny Says:

    A young man was feeling sick, so he asked a friend to recommend a doctor. “I know a great one,” his friend said, “but he’s very expensive: He charges $200 for the first visit and $150 for each visit after that.”
    The young man went to see the doctor and trying to save money, he greeted the doctor
    when he entered the exam room with an animated “I’m back!”
    The doctor proceeded with the examination. “Very good,” he said when he was
    finished.
    “Just continue the treatment I prescribed last time.”

  2. Anonymous Says:

    A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only three minutes apart!”
    “Is this her first child?” the doctor queries.
    “No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”

  3. Anonymous Says:

    Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade. “Don’t panic, I’m coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?”
    “Yea, I shaved with the electric razor.”

  4. Anonymous Says:

    A man goes into the doctors office and tells to the doc: “everytime I drink coffee my eye hurts.”
    Hmmm, interesting. Let me pour you some coffee and lets see what happens.
    The guy takes the coffee and drinks it “Ouch! my eye!”
    Doctor says well, lets try again, with the spoon out of the cup. 🙂

  5. doc Says:

    Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I broke my arm in two places!

    Doctor: Stay out of them places!

  6. Anonymous Says:

    There was a midget down in Texas who complained to his buddy that his testicles ached almost all the time. As he was always complaining about his problem, his friend finally suggested that he go to a doctor to see what could be done to relieve the problem. The midget took his advice and went to the doctor and told him what the problem was.

    The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor put him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough-the usual method to check for a hernia. “Aha!” the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. “Aha!” said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the left side.

    The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to get dressed and see if they still ached.

    The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc’s office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. “Gee, what did you do, Doctor?” he asked.

    The doc replied, “I cut two inches off the tops of your cowboy boots.”

  7. vertu Says:

    What do you call two orthopedic doctors reading an EKG?

    A double blind study!!!!

  8. vertu Says:

    Have you hear about the baby born in the high tech delivery room?

    It was cordless!

  9. Dr Humor Says:

    Barium: What doctors do when treatment fails
    Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery
    Artery: The study of paintings
    Colic: A sheep dog
    Congenital: Friendly
    Coma: A punctuation mark
    Caesarean Section: A district in Rome
    Dilate: To live long
    Enema: Not a friend
    Prostate: Flat on your back
    Grippe: Suitcase
    Hangnail: Coat hook
    Catscan: Searching for kitty
    Morbid : Higher offer
    Nitrate: Cheaper than a day rate
    Outpatient: Person who has fainted
    Cauterize: Make eye contact with her
    Pelvis: Cousin of Elvis
    Seizure: Roman Emperor
    Tablet: A small table
    Bowels : A letter like A, E, I, O or U
    Terminal illness: Getting sick at the airport
    Labor pain: Getting hurt at work
    Tumor: More than one
    Urine: Opposite of you’re out
    Varicose: Near by
    GI series: Soldier ballgame
    Vein: Conceited
    D & C: Where Washington is
    Bacteria: Back door to a cafeteria

  10. sandra18 Says:

    A man was in bad shape. He constantly gasped
    for breath and his eyes bulged. The doctors didn’t
    give him long to live. He decided to live it
    up.

    Withdrawing all of his money from the bank,
    he went on a shopping spree. His last stop was
    at the most expensive haberdashery in the city.
    He pointed out ten silk shirts. He wore a
    size 14. The clerk said, “Your neck looks
    bigger than 14. You need a 16.”

    The man said, “I know my size. I want them
    in a 14.”

    The clerk said, “I’ll get them for you, but
    I want to warn you…if you wear a 14 you’ll
    gasp all day and your eyes will bulge.”

  11. sandra 18 Says:

    After dying in a car crash, 3 friends go to Heaven for
    orientation. They are all asked the same question, “When
    you’re lying in your casket, and friends and family are
    mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say
    about you?”

    The first guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a
    wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge
    difference in the children of tomorrow.”

    The second guy responds, “I would like to hear
    them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time, and
    a great family man.”

    The last guy thinks for a moment, and then replies, “I guess
    I’d like to hear them say, ‘Look, he’s moving!'”

  12. sandra Says:

    After dying in a car crash, 3 friends go to Heaven for
    orientation. They are all asked the same question, “When
    you’re lying in your casket, and friends and family are
    mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say
    about you?”

    The first guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a
    wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge
    difference in the children of tomorrow.”

    The second guy responds, “I would like to hear
    them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time, and
    a great family man.”

    The last guy thinks for a moment, and then replies, “I guess
    I’d like to hear them say, ‘Look, he’s moving!'”

  13. Jokey Says:

    You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.

  14. Ioannis Zante Says:

    What is three Obstetrician reading a Cardiotokogram?
    A meta-analysis.

  15. tebogo Says:

    A little boy was told that “an apple a day keeps a doctor away” the other day he woke up with a bad stomach bug from eating apples contaminated from water.

    Mom: Should i call a Doctor?
    Boy: No mom
    Mom: Why not?
    Boy: Granny told me that an apple a day keeps a doctor away, and since the beginning of this year i ate 365, I guess doctors should be kept away for the rest of the year

  16. look At This Says:

    Hey just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The text in your article seem to be running off the
    screen in Internet explorer. I’m not sure if this is a formatting issue or something to do with web browser compatibility but I figured I’d post to let
    you know. The design and style look great though! Hope you
    get the issue solved soon. Thanks

Write a Joke