Doctors
Jokes about doctors. Do you have an appointment? If yes, then don’t read any further.
Copyright © 2012 Jokes about … | Entries 
and Comments Jokes links: link it!
Jokes about doctors. Do you have an appointment? If yes, then don’t read any further.
Copyright © 2012 Jokes about … | Entries and Comments Jokes links: link it!
A young man was feeling sick, so he asked a friend to recommend a doctor. “I know a great one,” his friend said, “but he’s very expensive: He charges $200 for the first visit and $150 for each visit after that.”
December 26th, 2007 at 2:47 pmThe young man went to see the doctor and trying to save money, he greeted the doctor
when he entered the exam room with an animated “I’m back!”
The doctor proceeded with the examination. “Very good,” he said when he was
finished.
“Just continue the treatment I prescribed last time.”
A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only three minutes apart!”
December 30th, 2007 at 12:34 am“Is this her first child?” the doctor queries.
“No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”
Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade. “Don’t panic, I’m coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?”
December 30th, 2007 at 12:36 am“Yea, I shaved with the electric razor.”
A man goes into the doctors office and tells to the doc: “everytime I drink coffee my eye hurts.”
December 30th, 2007 at 12:39 amHmmm, interesting. Let me pour you some coffee and lets see what happens.
The guy takes the coffee and drinks it “Ouch! my eye!”
Doctor says well, lets try again, with the spoon out of the cup.
Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I broke my arm in two places!
Doctor: Stay out of them places!
January 1st, 2008 at 10:21 pmThere was a midget down in Texas who complained to his buddy that his testicles ached almost all the time. As he was always complaining about his problem, his friend finally suggested that he go to a doctor to see what could be done to relieve the problem. The midget took his advice and went to the doctor and told him what the problem was.
The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor put him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough-the usual method to check for a hernia. “Aha!” the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. “Aha!” said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to get dressed and see if they still ached.
The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc’s office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. “Gee, what did you do, Doctor?” he asked.
The doc replied, “I cut two inches off the tops of your cowboy boots.”
March 10th, 2008 at 5:49 pmWhat do you call two orthopedic doctors reading an EKG?
A double blind study!!!!
March 28th, 2008 at 12:36 pmHave you hear about the baby born in the high tech delivery room?
It was cordless!
March 28th, 2008 at 12:37 pmBarium: What doctors do when treatment fails
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:29 amRecovery Room: Place to do upholstery
Artery: The study of paintings
Colic: A sheep dog
Congenital: Friendly
Coma: A punctuation mark
Caesarean Section: A district in Rome
Dilate: To live long
Enema: Not a friend
Prostate: Flat on your back
Grippe: Suitcase
Hangnail: Coat hook
Catscan: Searching for kitty
Morbid : Higher offer
Nitrate: Cheaper than a day rate
Outpatient: Person who has fainted
Cauterize: Make eye contact with her
Pelvis: Cousin of Elvis
Seizure: Roman Emperor
Tablet: A small table
Bowels : A letter like A, E, I, O or U
Terminal illness: Getting sick at the airport
Labor pain: Getting hurt at work
Tumor: More than one
Urine: Opposite of you’re out
Varicose: Near by
GI series: Soldier ballgame
Vein: Conceited
D & C: Where Washington is
Bacteria: Back door to a cafeteria
A man was in bad shape. He constantly gasped
for breath and his eyes bulged. The doctors didn’t
give him long to live. He decided to live it
up.
Withdrawing all of his money from the bank,
he went on a shopping spree. His last stop was
at the most expensive haberdashery in the city.
He pointed out ten silk shirts. He wore a
size 14. The clerk said, “Your neck looks
bigger than 14. You need a 16.”
The man said, “I know my size. I want them
in a 14.”
The clerk said, “I’ll get them for you, but
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:26 pmI want to warn you…if you wear a 14 you’ll
gasp all day and your eyes will bulge.”
After dying in a car crash, 3 friends go to Heaven for
orientation. They are all asked the same question, “When
you’re lying in your casket, and friends and family are
mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say
about you?”
The first guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a
wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge
difference in the children of tomorrow.”
The second guy responds, “I would like to hear
them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time, and
a great family man.”
The last guy thinks for a moment, and then replies, “I guess
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:33 pmI’d like to hear them say, ‘Look, he’s moving!’”
After dying in a car crash, 3 friends go to Heaven for
orientation. They are all asked the same question, “When
you’re lying in your casket, and friends and family are
mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say
about you?”
The first guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a
wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge
difference in the children of tomorrow.”
The second guy responds, “I would like to hear
them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time, and
a great family man.”
The last guy thinks for a moment, and then replies, “I guess
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:34 pmI’d like to hear them say, ‘Look, he’s moving!’”
You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:09 pmWhat is three Obstetrician reading a Cardiotokogram?
July 21st, 2008 at 11:02 pmA meta-analysis.
A little boy was told that “an apple a day keeps a doctor away” the other day he woke up with a bad stomach bug from eating apples contaminated from water.
Mom: Should i call a Doctor?
August 29th, 2008 at 1:15 pmBoy: No mom
Mom: Why not?
Boy: Granny told me that an apple a day keeps a doctor away, and since the beginning of this year i ate 365, I guess doctors should be kept away for the rest of the year