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Police

Police is very important part of our society and all policemen are smart, honest and respectable people. It was the first joke.

10 Jokes to “Police”

  1. admin Says:

    A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

    Officer: May I see your driver’s license?

    Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

    Officer: May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle?

    Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.

    Officer: The car is stolen?

    Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

    Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?

    Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

    Officer: There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

    Driver: Yes, sir.

    Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

    Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

    Driver: Sure. Here it is.

    It was valid.

    Captain: Who’s car is this?

    Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the owner’ card.

    The driver owned the car.

    Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?

    Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it.

    Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

    Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in it.

    Driver: No problem.

    Trunk is opened, no body.

    Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

    Driver: Yeah, I’ll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too.

  2. 10 Signs Your Partner Needs A Vacation Says:

    1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!
    2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.
    3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his hemorrhoids.
    4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.
    5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat.
    6. He talk to himself. Half of him is the “good cop”, and the other half is the “bad cop”.
    7. He wants you to call him “Judge Dredd”, and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.
    8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he’d look good in a collar.
    9. He is starting to develop a crush on one of the transvestite hookers he arrested.
    10. Every Tuesday he insists it’s his turn to be the siren.

  3. juggler Says:

    A juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police.

    “What are those knives doing in your car?” asked the officer.

    “I juggle them in my act.”

    “Oh yeah?” says the cop. “Let’s see you do it.” So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.

    A guy driving by sees this and says, “Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they’re making you do now!”

  4. Police lines Says:

    – Can you run faster than 1,100 feet per second? In case you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun.

    – Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.

    – If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.

    – No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.

    – So you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?

    – Warning! You want a warning? OK!, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.

    – In God we trust, all others are suspects.

    – Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop.

    – Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.

    – Just how big were those two beers?

    – The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?

    – I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.

  5. Attorney Says:

    A defense lawyer was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial – it went like this:

    Question: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?

    Answer: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

    Question: Officer, who provided this description?

    Answer: The officer who responded to the scene.

    Question: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

    Answer: Yes sir, with my life.

    Question: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer – do you have a locker room in the police station – a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?

    Answer: Yes sir, we do.

    Question: And do you have a locker in that room?

    Answer: Yes sir, I do.

    Question: And do you have a lock on your locker?

    Answer: Yes sir.

    Question: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?

    Answer: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

  6. News Headlines :) Says:

    Men Recommend More Clubs For Wives.

    Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted.

    Drunk gets nine months in violin case.

    Judge To Rule On Nude Beach.

    Killer sentenced to die for second time in ten years.

    Drunken drivers paid $1000 in ’84.

    Stolen Painting Found By Tree.

    Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing.

    Police Discover Crack In Australia.

    Two Convicts Evade Noose; Jury Hung.

    Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers.

    Juvenile court to try shooting defendant.

  7. Wife helps Says:

    A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:
    Driver: What’s the problem officer?
    Police: You were going at least 70 in a 55 zone.
    Driver: No sir, I was going 60.
    Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 75.
    (Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
    Police: I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
    Driver: Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!
    Wife: Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks.
    (Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
    Police: I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
    Driver: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
    Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
    Driver: Shut your mouth, woman!
    Police: Ma’am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
    Wife: No, only when he’s drunk.

  8. Anonymous Says:

    A man was driving down a local street one day and approached
    a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the
    stop sign after glancing for traffic. What the driver didn’t
    know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The
    policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks
    away.

    Policeman: “License, registration and proof of insurance please.”

    Driver: “Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you
    stopped me for, man.”

    Police: “Watch your tone sir; you ran the stop sign back
    there!”

    Man: “Man, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference?”

    The police officer pulled out his night stick and began bonking
    It over the mans head and shoulders. Bang! Bang! Womp! Bang!

    Police: “Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop!!!?

  9. Anonymous Says:

    A policeman had a perfect hiding place for watching
    for speeders. But one day, everyone was under the speed
    limit, the officer found the problem: a 11 year old boy
    was standing by the side of the road, about 100 meters up
    the road from where the policeman’s hiding place, with a
    big hand painted sign which said: “RADAR TRAP AHEAD”. A
    little more investigative work led the officer to the
    boys accomplice, another kid about another 110 yards in
    the other direction from the policeman’s hiding place,
    with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket at his feet, full
    of money.

  10. REVATHY Says:

    One day a husband was sitting on his font porch thinking of how to get rid of his hopeless wife when she suddenly comes upto him and asks him ……well in a rather sweet manner.”honey,i hope you have not forgotten the speciality of this day……”
    huband replies:”no honey how can i ?isnt this the day the we got married?”
    wife says:”oh…….sweety……you remembered!!!!its so wonderful!!!”
    husband replies….(rather sarcatically):”ofcourse!!!!!how can i ever in my ife forget that…that….moment of my ife?”
    wife asks:”so?what are we doing on this speial day?”
    The husband thought for a while and suddenly he was struk with the best present ever.So he asked his wife to get all packed as he booked two tickets for spain.
    The wife ws so happy.
    They reached a hotel and then decieded to go somewhere.
    husband said:”i bought two tickets for the bull fight”
    wife repies:”oooh…i have always wanted to see one up close!!!”
    husband say:”here honey…this is a nice dress i bought you…..a litte present”
    wife replies:”wow!!!!its such a wonderful dress!!i love red!”
    They set off for the fight and after a while the show was over and now the place was empty….it was just them and the bull….
    The wife kept insisting that she wanted to give it a try .
    Without any sort of an arguement He dopped her into the gound where the bull got mad seeing the red colour of her dress.
    He stood there enjoying the moment and thought to himself”this is the best anniversary gift ever!!!!!!”

    want that a perfect crime?

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